(This entry may be a little despondent).
Right now I most identify with Charlotte from Lost in Translation. I recently graduated college and I don't know where I fit in in life. I know a year from now I'll look on this and think about how ridiculous I am being (though I don't ever go back and re-read what I wrote). But for now, this is where I am.
I've never needed money so much in my life. I can't afford rent. My mom can't help me either. I can't pay my credit card bills. I can't get hired for a part-time job because "they" worry I will turn around and leave once I'm hired for a full-time job.
I know WHAT I want to be; I just don't know how to get there. But I think everyone has this feeling during these transitional phases. Why is it that we are so concerned with the destination when it's the journey that makes us who we are? What we are?
I'm Charlotte because I'm an intelligent, cynical person. Someone who laughs at people's incompetence. I worry constantly about the future and disregard the past by the passing minute. This is why I am so worried about the future. That's what I focus on. Like I said, at least I know what I want to be, but the worry on how to get there is so consuming at times. It just takes time and it's hard to accept. That's my permanent impatience right there.
I've also scrounged up enough money to buy a pack of cigarettes tonight. I know this is bad, but since I don't have a gym membership, I need some stress relief. I think this is allowable for my current state.
Great movie. I am comforted to know that finding your path never really ends.
1 comment:
aww, jon, baby! believe me, as cliche as this sounds, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! i STILL feel it, even though i have a job...reality bites (there's another oldie but goodie to rent)...if i could give you the world, i would. things will come around for you, i know it...i'm rooting for you!
big love,
G
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