Wednesday, January 31, 2007

God, Inc., Episode 1

Okay, I'm posting just one more video because I think these are rather exceptional. I found this series on and think they're a nice farce at religion. Here is episode one. I'll post the others as I go along.

Head over to the official website, too.

A Favorite Video!

Hilarious, just too damn funny!

"I have an addiction, sir!"

So, I think I'm giving up. I really don't have anymore fight in me to keep finding a job. I just can't find anything and I don't know people who know people. I'm kind of kicking myself for not sucking-up to my professors in school. Maybe I could have managed a job with one of them? I just really can't take this anymore. I'm not much of a fighter. I even called back about an application I put in at Shake's Frozen Custard. The manager said she didn't want to hire me because she didn't want me leaving right away. But I NEED a job and no one wants to hire me. I swear. This is a fact. I'm afraid I'm going to need to get out of my lease because I can't pay the bills. It's really a bad situation.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. Since I have so much time on my hands, I have no choice but to use them to touch myself. I can't stop masturbating. I'm horny all the time AND I look at porn all the time. It's like I've decided to drop everything in the real world and concentrate on touching myself. I believe I'm up to four times a day. Could be more? My hard drive is almost entirely filled with porn. I don't know why I need so much selection either. Haha. It's sick. I'm a hoarder by nature (observe my freezer) and I guess I think I need lots of selection, so, I have lots of back up. I just need to breakdown and let go of some. But there are a lot of hot guys I have. I mean. A LOT. Maybe I just need a boyfriend? Someone obligated to have sex with me, though I'm a bum. But that's not going to happen especially since I think I've gained some weight and I have NO gym membership. Oh, and I'm not doing yoga. So, when you see me next, I'll be 300 lbs. and waddling down to the local Baskin Robins. Mmm...

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Little Miss Sunshine

Very seldom does a movie come along that delivers light into the human heart. Little Miss Sunshine is such a movie.

The movie tells the tale of a dysfunctional family, who in support of their youngest member, Olive, agree to get in their VW Bus and take her to the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant.

All the familial archetypes are there. There's the motivational speaker father, who, after attempts to sell his program, refuses to accept he has failed. There's the champion mom who believes everyone in the family should stick together. The older brother who has taken a vow of silence because of his dissatisfaction with his family. The uncle who has recently attempted suicide after losing his job and his graduate student of a lover. Finally, there's the fowl-mouthed grandfather who champions Olive and everyone to live life to its maximum.

The ensemble is fantastic. Greg Kinnear is clueless and at times heartless as Richard. Toni Collette caring and supportive as Sheryl. Paul Dano as Dwayne is great as the angst-ridden teenager. Abigail Breslin is adorable as the would-be Little Miss Sunshine, and Alan Arkin as Grandpa is priceless as the know-it-all patriarch who is surprisingly the family's champion. Watch for a heart-warming scene between Grandpa and Olive in a hotel room. There's lots of love in this family and the result makes even the coldest heart melt.

Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris direct a steller cast with a script by Michael Arndt. The movie tickles the soul and brings hearty laughs that keep you smiling long after the movie has ended. Ensemble casts have never been this great and stories have never made you appreciate your own family more. ***A***

The Black Dahlia

Ah, the days of film noir. Those movies from the 30s and 40s that showed the darker side of human nature. Where have those movies all gone? They've been tossed for stories with happy endings and un-complicated characters. Characters with only surface intentions and hardly any three dimension.

The Black Dahlia, in its grandiose way, seduces the audience back to the days when men were corruptible and women hid their true intentions. It's juicy in every way. From the cinematography (which is luscious and every sense noir) to the characters that are in the game for their own agenda.

Brian De Palma directs an all-star cast lead by Josh Hartnett and Aaron Eckhart. The two play Bucky Bleichert and Lee Blanchard respectively. The detectives meet during the Zoot Soot Riots and bring back stability and dependability to the LAPD.

The Black Dahlia story actually comes in some time after the movie starts. The audience is introduced to Kay (Scarlett Johansson) as Blanchard's blonde bombshell girlfriend and the character in the movie with least amount of skeletons. At first glance, Johansson seems to have just shown up on set and recite lines, but her Kay is fragile and strong at the same time. Kay and Bucky begin a flirtation but never act on it because of loyalties to Blanchard.

The Dahlia case eventually takes its hold on the two detectives affecting each in its own way. Blanchard spirals down into obsession as his personal demons catch a hold into Dahlia's grey-crystal eyes. Bucky's investigation leads him to Madeleine Linscott (Hilary Swank), a socialite’s daughter with ties to the Dahlia. Bucky also becomes obsessed with Dahlia in the form of Madeleine, who bares a strong resemblance to the murdered starlet.

As far as plots go, this one has an interlocking one. Based on James Ellroy's novel of the same name, the plot almost detracts from the audience's attention as much as it occupies it. There's almost too much going on for someone to follow it clearly in one viewing. However, the juiciness of the storylines and this dark world bring you back and captivate you.

Hartnett stands away from his heartthrob image into an admirable attempt at a real character. Eckhart is absorbed into Blanchard and has never been so good. Johansson could have come or gone, but for the audience, thank God she stayed. Blonde bombshell is something she was born to play. The only awkward character here is Swank, who for one of the very first times in her life, plays a conventional character (not that it is conventional at all). But are sexy and sultry words to describe the Oscar winner? She's known for performances in non-traditional female roles and in this role she doesn't seem too convincing. However, she does pull it off, whatever IT is.

The direction brings De Palma back to his glory. His long takes and pans give us the noir-thriller-dramatic feel without being corny or over-the-top. His cinematographer, Vilmos Zsigmond, is nominated for an Oscar for his superior work on this film.

Now the only thing missing is more films like this. ***C***

Saturday, January 27, 2007

"How could I ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy"

So, to further my blues, I messaged this guy I met a year and a half ago. He was my "first" experience and I guess that's why I can't shake him. That and I haven't had anything since to replace the memory. I don't know how to think about the experience I had with him. We met online, which is bizarre to begin with, and the whole experience was like a boulder rolling down hill. It just happened so fast and no one saw what was going to happen.

I messaged him. I just wanted to know how he had been doing. I didn't think he would even respond. Finally, he responded. I got a look at his profile, not just the picture because messaging allows me to look at it I guess. He's with some guy. Some guy who, not to be arrogant, resembles me. I mean, not a lot. But he's tall and blonde. The thing is, I wish him the best, of course. But I can't help but wonder: why me? I mean, he wasn't out when I met him and went through an entire breakdown when he left me after that weekend (as far as I know). I'm just like, "Why don't I have anyone? Why am I stuck here in the same old town, hanging with the same old people, living the same life?" I feel like I deserve some justice, don't I? I just can't shake my lot in life. I feel that I have been trying to make the most of it. I really do. I've never been one to be patient, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I'm like a special Olympic hurdler. Hahaha. That was mean.

I know, someone's out there is for me. I know some greatness is out there for me. I'm just so tired of moving at the pace of a snail. I know I need to be patient and let my fate play-out in ITS own time. It's just so hard for me to accept that it'll happen when I've seen no results whatsoever.

I wonder if I do need to talk to a doctor. I don't feel THAT unhappy. But if this is bump in the road, it definitely has jacked-up my alignment.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

"Stay up 'til 4 in the morning & the tears are pouring..."

So, today was the day I kind of cracked. It's so sad, but it was bound to happen.

I've been wanting a dog for a while now. I found this chocolate lab at the humane society and just fell for her right away. I've been bugging my mom for two days now for her to split the cost of getting the dog with my uncle as an early birthday gift. I called her this morning and left her a message saying that I was going to go back today and see how she does with cats by taking her into the cat room (something they said I could do because I have a cat and need to know).

Well, she finally called me back yelling at me, "You need to get your priorities straight." She told me that I needed to focus solely on a job and not worry about it. I then started to tear up as we began talking about finding jobs and my frustration with finding one.

I've been incredibly lazy lately and have had zero percent motivation. This is because, believe it or not, I've probably applied for two-dozen jobs throughout the country and I've heard nothing. It really is taxing on the emotions and the self-esteem. I know it seems silly, but when everyone you've sought-out doesn't want you, it gets to you.

I just started crying and crying and my mom was like, "You need to get to a doctor and get on some medication." I was like, "Jesus". I told her that might make my mood better, but I won't be happy because the problem won't be solved (and this is why I'm unhappy).

I told her I don't want to sacrifice my dreams and goals to work somewhere that I don't want to. I told her I'm afraid of getting stuck somewhere and waking up one day and finding myself so far from my dreams and aspirations that I can't get them back.

But I DO need a job. She suggested just a part-time in the meantime, which is feasible. I just hope something comes through. Err...

Thursday, January 18, 2007


From the trailer, the concept was intriguing. The tagline, "If You Want to be Understood...Listen." For Babel, it's hard not to.

Based on the story that God made different languages to create confusion amongst man, the sounds of the human voice is important in this film. Sound is important in this film.

The third teaming of writer Guillermo Arriaga and director Alejandro González Iñárritu is just as relevant as their two other collaborations, Amores Perros and 21 Grams. In fact, Iñárritu may be one of the most relevant directors alive today. His skills as a director go beyond language (as proven by this film). Every image, every sound, every silence has a meaning and has a purpose in this film and the result is nothing short of amazing. Iñárritu's skill produced wonderful performances out of a multi-lingual cast of characters. The result? A story that needs no translation. A human story.

The ensemble is lead by Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. They're a couple taking a vacation around the world, away from their lives, after the death of their baby. Pitt has never been better or more understated. His Richard is discrete and stiff. But underneath he is breaking just like his wife. Blanchett is, as usual, dead-on. Her Susan is heart-broken and lost, figuratively and literally.

The plot takes us from Morocco to Mexico, California to Japan and the connections are explained and easy to follow.

Rinko Kikuchi, as Chieko, is deserved of all her accolades. Hers is the story of someone who is so lonely and grieving that she looks for comfort from any man, when all she needs is to be held by her father (Kôji Yakusho as the hallow father Yasujiro).

Also look for solid performances from Adriana Barraza as Richard and Susan's nanny and Gael García Bernal as her nephew.

The cinematography is gorgeous and it should, Rodrigo Prieto is back for his third movie with Iñárritu behind Perros and Grams. He's also responsible for giving us the sweeping landscapes of Wyoming in Brokeback Mountain.

Babel isn't as strong as 21 Grams was, but that doesn't mean its message is any less important. This is a human story. One that everyone can have, could have. There is not an emotion in this movie a human in his or her lifetime will not experience. Your soul as a human goes out to these people who are flawed like you and I.

God may have given us languages to confuse as punishment for trying to reach to his Heavens with a tower. This movie is named for that tower. But with directors like Iñárritu and writers like Arriaga around, it's nice to remember the days when we all could speak one language. ***B***

Ode to Timothy Mosley

In the spirit of my testimonials to all things black people. I've desided to re-post this poem for Timbaland from my Myspace profile.

Ode to Timbaland

Timbo, how I love thee;
You make such mad beats;
Your music is so layered and textured;
You spin gold from behind glass that is plated

Oh, Timbaland, Thomas Crown;
You've made stars from specks of dust;
Your songs are brillant,
especially with that mad beat box

Aaliyah was your baby girl;
Missy your partner in crime;
Of course we won't forget Magoo,
and you've made JT's star shine through

Timbo, never stop making music;
I wish you and I could make some bombs;
When will they see that you're a diamond in the rough,
Making beats so our bodies never stop

I love Timbaland. He's my FAVORITE producer. I think he can do no wrong. I want him to produce my first album (if ever someone were stupid enough to let me make one).

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

"Don't drink alone, Scarlett. People always find out and it ruins their reputation"

Reason no. 10,238 why I love Gone With The Wind. Rhett Butler. That fucker is the best character to happen to cinema since Tiny Tim. This character is from a book and the statement is a fallacy, I know.

My theory stands as this. As a youngster, children identify with Scarlett O'Hara. And why not? She loves Tara and desires Ashley Wilkes. Easy enough for any child to understand.

However, as an adult you identify with Rhett. Or at least I do. I love how callous he can be. How arrogant and right-on-the-money he is about everything. Especially en regard to Scarlett O'Hara. He saw right through her bullshit and called her out on it.

I mean, he has all the best lines. I'm watching it right now and he's dropping bomb after bomb of hilarity.

- "Far be it for me to question the teachings of childhood." ~ re: the existence of hell which Scarlett was taught as a child
- "If you had to do it all over again, you'd do no differently. You're like the thief who isn't the least bit sorry he stole, but terribly, terribly sorry he's going to jail."
- "I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands."
- "Did you ever think of marrying just for fun?"
- "Heaven help the man who really loves you."

And again, this is what I want in a relationship. I mean, I don't want someone who will gleefully take my bullshit. I need someone with a spine. Not that I'm perpetually lying, but there are those times when people get lippy, or just have a stick up their ass. I need someone who sardonically throws back some sass. Someone who will make me wake-up from my bullshit spell and make me laugh at how ridiculous I'm being at the moment.

And...I'm kind of a sadist. I like a boss. But not a boss-bitch. Sorry Kelis.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Another type for me...

The thing is I really want someone like Adian on "Sex and the City". Someone chill and likes to stay at home. But he never seemed to mind when Carrie went out. I am a lot like Carrie. Knows how to spend money but never has any. I do need independence and really need someone to allow that. But I know I need to work on being around someone for a long time.

I also love that he's tall and snugglely. He's like a teddy. You just want to hug him. I've really been in a cuddlely kind of mood lately.

Haha Horoscope!

Today I took the "What's Your Love Profile" Quiz on Blogthings and I'm really amazed at the results. Sometimes these quizzes just hold so much truth and are so insightful. The results are below.

Aquarius - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You've got a ton of friends, so you have no problem meeting new people.
You're great at thinking up new things and activities to do with your sweetie.
You tend to let the little things slide in relationships... and focus on the bigger picture.

Your negative traits:

In relationships, it tends to be your way or the highway.
You can never open up completely to someone - you have to keep parts of yourself secret.
You're cold and reserved, which leaves your partner feeling unloved.

Your ideal partner:

Flexible, because you're not going to be the one to compromise!
Is smart and quirky with lots of weird interests... including you.
A true individualist who doesn't care what anyone thinks

Your dating style:

Stimulating. You prefer dates that explore a shared interest - like a lecture, muesum tour, or concert.

Your seduction style:

Wacky. Your wild ideas have your lover wondering what's next.
Insatiable - it takes a lot to satisfy your desires.
Varied. You're eager to try things as soon as you learn about them.

Tips for the future:

Bring a little responsibility to your relationship - like showing up for dates!
Compromise a little. It would kill you to do things your lover's way for once.
Be aware of your partner's jealousy. Even though you aren't jealous, realize your partner is sometimes.

Best color to attract mate: Sky blue

Best day for a date: Wednesday

The thing about my independence is spot on. I love to keep secrets from others. Little things. These things include errand running, going hiking, getting Taco Bell, going to see a movie: all by myself. I guess you can call it my S.S.B. Secret Single Behavior. (Jesus, I need to not watch "Sex and the City" for six months and grow a pair).I don't know why, but I like having my own time and doing my own things and then coming together at the end of the day and enjoying one another's company.

I mean, I don't think I could do the constant check-up on each other. Jordan and Bryan do that a lot. They know where each other is. I respect and would like a little privacy. But could I deal with someone doing there own things and not tell me? I do trust, but that's too risky. It opens your heart to get broken. Am I really that anxious for this to happen? But trust is the foundation of relationships. Ah, geez.

Friday, January 5, 2007

Ode to Sheniqua

Though our stories are contrived and bold,
There are people in our lives that can't begin to be disclosed
Where do you start to find where beauty begins?
How can man behold materials stronger than gold?

People bow at her feet for they look into God,
Such sights e'er from the eyes of angels

She is the reason why songs are composed,
why secrets unfold
She is why words are spoken,
why our hearts get broken
She is why men aren't worthy,
why women are guilty

Her name is but human,
eyes that conseal real ruin
These are the ones that shant be seen,
seeing has lead to believeing

Why there is man
Why I dare to write words that can't be spoken

Thursday, January 4, 2007

My secret life...

I don't know if it's something I've just grown to appreciate, but I'm growing fond of working for the paper in Boonville. I mean, I am inconvienced by the drive and the fact that I don't write more, but it's nice to have something completely my own.

I'm fortunate to experience all these different kinds of people in the Boonville area. And I'm the only other person in Columbia (basically) that writes for the paper.

I just want to write more. I wish I could pick up some more stories and write for a publication in Columbia.

Rainy Days

I don't know why, but it's always appropriate to hear a sad song on rainy days. I just heard this song on the radio. It's so beautiful. (The album is won'erful. Buy it). Rufus and Death Cab are the best for rainy days.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

--"I Will Follow You Into the Dark", Death Cab For Cutie

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

2007, she be rollin'!

Let's rock this bitch! Yeah, it's a new year. 2007! WOOT!!

I went and visited the roomie in STL. This was my first New Year's in another city with which I had no problem. We went to Bar Italia in the central west end. It was fun, I must admit. I didn't get super drunk, but I had a wee hangover the next day. It was one of those creepy drunks, too. It's champagne. It sneeks up and then bites! (Imagine Bugs Bunny sneeking up on someone. See him tip-toeing? But now imagine Bugs is a big bottle of champagne with ravenous, dull teeth).

I'm glad I got to celebrate with Stoned, Shenay, G and Eric. They're really awesome peeps. Hopefully more New Year celebrations are in our futures.

P.S. I can't believe how hard it is to find a photo of some New Year's fireworks. Plus, there are already countdowns to New Year's 2008. Let's not get ahead of ourselves people.

Today I got my new glasses. They're D & G and awesome. Yeah, they're also really bold looking. I mean, I look like I work at a magazine. So delicious!

I also kind of look like I'm going 'nam! They are really thick horned-rimmed glasses. I look like a neard for shizzle.

Tomorrow (today) is my interview at the bank. Hopefully I'll get the job because papa need some money. Wish me luck. Night loves!