Tuesday, January 23, 2007

"Stay up 'til 4 in the morning & the tears are pouring..."

So, today was the day I kind of cracked. It's so sad, but it was bound to happen.

I've been wanting a dog for a while now. I found this chocolate lab at the humane society and just fell for her right away. I've been bugging my mom for two days now for her to split the cost of getting the dog with my uncle as an early birthday gift. I called her this morning and left her a message saying that I was going to go back today and see how she does with cats by taking her into the cat room (something they said I could do because I have a cat and need to know).



Well, she finally called me back yelling at me, "You need to get your priorities straight." She told me that I needed to focus solely on a job and not worry about it. I then started to tear up as we began talking about finding jobs and my frustration with finding one.



I've been incredibly lazy lately and have had zero percent motivation. This is because, believe it or not, I've probably applied for two-dozen jobs throughout the country and I've heard nothing. It really is taxing on the emotions and the self-esteem. I know it seems silly, but when everyone you've sought-out doesn't want you, it gets to you.



I just started crying and crying and my mom was like, "You need to get to a doctor and get on some medication." I was like, "Jesus". I told her that might make my mood better, but I won't be happy because the problem won't be solved (and this is why I'm unhappy).



I told her I don't want to sacrifice my dreams and goals to work somewhere that I don't want to. I told her I'm afraid of getting stuck somewhere and waking up one day and finding myself so far from my dreams and aspirations that I can't get them back.

But I DO need a job. She suggested just a part-time in the meantime, which is feasible. I just hope something comes through. Err...

3 comments:

Shezza Ansloos said...

hey there....sorry your day sucked......i was just surfing through some blogs and read your journal......i hope you get your perfect job soon......it will happen....and your dreams.....and your dog :)

Emily said...

hi....I was also surfing through blogs and stumbled across yours....I'm a grad student too, who spent the better part of 2006 crying! I completely sympathise. I've felt many of the same emotions you mentioned in this post (and funny, my mom has suggested that I go see a doctor too...which really doesn't make you feel that good, does it?)

take care, and read www.PhDComics.com...it helps you not to feel alone!

Unknown said...

jon-jon, baby, i'm sorry you're feeling down, and the situation sucks--i understand, cuz i've been there too! but keep the faith sweetie, bc you ARE worth a big time job with big time money in a big time city...you just have to go through some shit first! ill call you soon so we can discuss in further detail..in the meantime, ::hug:: :)