"How could I ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy"

So, to further my blues, I messaged this guy I met a year and a half ago. He was my "first" experience and I guess that's why I can't shake him. That and I haven't had anything since to replace the memory. I don't know how to think about the experience I had with him. We met online, which is bizarre to begin with, and the whole experience was like a boulder rolling down hill. It just happened so fast and no one saw what was going to happen.



I messaged him. I just wanted to know how he had been doing. I didn't think he would even respond. Finally, he responded. I got a look at his profile, not just the picture because messaging allows me to look at it I guess. He's with some guy. Some guy who, not to be arrogant, resembles me. I mean, not a lot. But he's tall and blonde. The thing is, I wish him the best, of course. But I can't help but wonder: why me? I mean, he wasn't out when I met him and went through an entire breakdown when he left me after that weekend (as far as I know). I'm just like, "Why don't I have anyone? Why am I stuck here in the same old town, hanging with the same old people, living the same life?" I feel like I deserve some justice, don't I? I just can't shake my lot in life. I feel that I have been trying to make the most of it. I really do. I've never been one to be patient, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I'm like a special Olympic hurdler. Hahaha. That was mean.



I know, someone's out there is for me. I know some greatness is out there for me. I'm just so tired of moving at the pace of a snail. I know I need to be patient and let my fate play-out in ITS own time. It's just so hard for me to accept that it'll happen when I've seen no results whatsoever.

I wonder if I do need to talk to a doctor. I don't feel THAT unhappy. But if this is bump in the road, it definitely has jacked-up my alignment.