Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Manifestations of Ourselves

I was over last night at Amanda's and we talked briefly about the scope of human existence.

We talked about humans perceptions of reality. I told her about this mind-fuck of a movie called What The Bleep Do We Know and how it talks about how one person's perception of reality is different from another's. They also theorize that humans, through perceiving their own reality, can control their fate.

Amanda also observed in her Xanga journal the other night that it blows her mind that humans can't reach the bottom of the ocean and can't reach the end of space. She concluded that this relative fact must be a physical manifestation of the how humans can't ever know the depths of themselves. She observed that no other person can't ever know what's inside us, just what's on the surface. We don't know what people see and people can't see what we know.

She wasn't even high. Haha. But this is such a true observation and I'm glad we talked about that.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Give a Little Love

I feel like it's happening again. I'm stuck here not knowing what I truly want to do. I have an idea. But I'm too paralyzed to risk action.

I'm betrayed by my own desires that scream to take that risk. But it's those risks I'm too scared to act upon.

If having never lost meant salvation, then I'd be at the forefront.

But having lost...pride, truth, your heart; doesn't that mean you've grown more? Known more? Loved more?

Why can't it be as easy as telling someone something that's true? Why can't one human being tell another that they are loved. Maybe not forever, that would be nice, but now? Now you are loved. Right here. I love you.

Is that not the most beautiful part of being alive?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Breakin' Up

It’s not as if New York City burnt down to the ground
Once you drove away
It’s not as if the sun won’t shine
When clouds up above
Wash the blues away

Are we breakin' up?
(Breakin up)
Are we breakin' up?
(Breakin' up)
Is there trouble between you and I?
Did my heart break enough?
(Break enough)
Did it break enough this time
(Break enough)

Here’s to all the pretty words we will never speak
Here’s to all the pretty girls you're gonna meet

Am I breakin' up?
(Breakin' up)
Am I breakin' up
Is there trouble on the line?
Did your heart break enough?
(Break enough)
Did it break enough this time
(Break enough)

Ooooh, it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free

The trail is a thorny crown
You wear it well
Just like a king
Revenge is the saddest thing
Honey, I’m afraid to say
You deserve everything

Am I breakin' up?
(Breakin' up)
Are we breakin' up?
Is there trouble between the lines?
Did your heart break enough?
(Break enough)
Did it break enough?
(Break enough)
Break enough this time?

Ooooh, it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free
(x 3)

Silver Lining

And I'm not going back into rags or in the hole
And our bruises are coming
but we will never fold

And I was your silver lining
as the story goes
I was your silver lining but now I'm gold
Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold

And I was your silver lining
hop on my toys
Well you were running through fields of hitchhikers
as the story goes

Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold

Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold

And the grass it was a ticking
And the sun was on the rise
I never felt so wicked
as when I willed our love to die

And I was your silver lining as the story goes
I was your silver lining but now I'm gold
Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold
Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold
but now I'm gold
but now I'm gold
but now I'm gold

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Another Charming Insight

You Make a Great First Impression

You can handle almost any social situation with grace, even the tricky ones.
Strangers often find you charming and interesting. You are often remembered fondly.
Even if you're not naturally outgoing, you can make conversation with anyone if you need to.

Whether you were born this way or had to work to get here, you are definitely charismatic.
You're popular and well liked. People definitely look forward to being around you.
Your social connections bring you a full and rich life. You understand how important it is to make a lasting impression.


Amazing song by Lauryn Hill.

Nothing can be done against the truth
No matter how we remain in denial
Wasting time
Replacing time
With each empty excuse
But that'll only work a little while
Coping with despair
Knowing you're not there
Ashamed to just admit
I've been a fool
So I blame it on the sun
Run away from everyone
Hoping to escape this ridicule
Trapped in misery
Wrapped so miserably
In this deception that I'm wearin' like a skin

Dying to maintain
Oh I keep trying to explain
A heart that never loved me to begin
Oh I'm such a mess
I have no choice but to confess
That I've been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself
And everybody else
Refusing to admit my right was wrong

And then he came
And it means
Praise and Meditation
And then he came
And it means
Did ya think about that?
And then he came
Oh and it means
Praise and Meditation
And then he came
Oh and it means
That it is seen

How beautiful is fruit still in denial of its roots?
My guilty heart behaved so foolishly
This treason from within
That reasons with my sin
Won't be happy till it sees the death of me
Selfishly addicted
To a life that I depicted
Conflicted cuz it's not reality

Oh what's left of me
I beg you desperately
Cause me to agree to what I know is best for me
Please save me from myself
I need you to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal
The choices that I have made
Oh have been nothing but mistakes
What a wasted use of space
Should I die before I wake?
In all of my religion
I've fortified this prison
Obligated to obey
The demands of bad decisions
Please save me from myself
I need you to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal
And then he came
And it means
Praise and Meditation
And then he came
And it means
Did ya think about that?
And he came
Oh and it means
And then he came
Oh and it means
That it is seen

And then he came
And then he came
Then he came then he came then he came
And then he came
And then he came

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


I love this website. They have silly personality quizzes. Check, check, check it out.

You are Brigitte Bardot

Naurally sensual and beautiful
You're an exotic beauty who turns heads everywhere
You've got a look that's one of a kind

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content.
Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while.
But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

You Scored an A

It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors.
If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.
As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human.
And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors.
You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius.
Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way.
While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme.

Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means

Your eating style is gluttonous. If you like something, you're going back for seconds... no matter how full you are!

You have a total sweet tooth. When you can get away with it, you like to have dessert before dinner!

Your taste in food tends to be conservative and traditional. It's likely that you prefer "All American" favorites like mac and cheese or hamburgers.

You belong to a class that's all your own. You resist rules and traditions of any sort.

You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you.

Precise and controlled, you can be a bit anal retentive when it comes to how you like things. You're definitely a perfectionist.

What Your Pizza Reveals

Your appetite is pretty average. You don't go overboard - but you don't deprive yourself either.

You are a very picky pizza eater. Not any pizza will do. You fit in best in the Northeast part of the US.

You like food that's traditional and well crafted. You aren't impressed with "gourmet" foods.

You are dependable, loyal, and conservative with your choices.

You are a flavorful and bold person. You should consider traveling to Spain.

The stereotype that best fits you is geek. You're the type most likely to order pizza to avoid leaving your computer.

You Are a Brownie Cheesecake

A little chunky and a little gooey, you pretty much run on sugar!
You take hedonism to the extreme.. And people love you for it.

You Are 82% Creative

You are an incredibly creative person. For you, there are no bounds or limits to your creativity.
Your next creation could be something very great... Or at least very cool!

You Are Heineken

You appreciate a good beer, but you're not a snob about it.
You like your beer mild and easy to drink, so you can concentrate on being drunk.
Overall, you're a friendly drunk who's likely to buy a whole round for your friends... many times.
Sometimes you can be a bit boring when you drink. You may be prone to go on about topics no one cares about.

You are a Serious Date

Your dating philosophy?
"Dating is for finding a compatible partner"
You're not so concerned with how you date...
As much as where the relationship ends up.

Guys to look for:
Men who write a good bit about what they're looking for.
Not only does it show that they are serious about dating as well -
But that they've already put a good deal of thought in to it.

You'll Find Love Through Friends

Your friends get you better than any guy ever has
And they're the perfect people to introduce you to your soulmate
So look and act you're best with them, even if it's a girl's night out
You never know who they might find for you!

You Are 63% Passionate, 37% Compassionate

You are very passionate, especially when it comes to love.
In fact, it's sometimes difficult for you to tell between love and lust.
You jump in head first, and figure things out later... usually when it's all over!

The me, the you

I’ve been thinking lately of how innately sexual life is. Not just in a sexual sense, though that is nice. Don’t get me wrong, I love being physical and the aspects that surround it, but sex is also the aspect of two coming together. The yen, the yang.

I’ve been noticing the way there’s that sexual dance in every relationship in life. The balance of it. The give, the take.

In the Earth, it is the water and the air. The way the moon dances into the sky shying away the rays of the sun. The way the rays gently caress the night and they hold each other tight as they roll over with the Earth between them. The earth, the sky.

In nature it is the way the roots hold on to the soil. Each plant holds tightly to the ground. Both give to each other creating a balance. Each fulfills its roll in a greater purpose that no one really understands. The destiny, the chance.

There is more to every relationship than its being. I won’t pretend to know or understand the answers. The destiny of everything and every one. Is this God? I don’t know. I know it’s something greater though. Something is there and I don’t think you cannot feel it. The me, the you.

The coming together of two people. The exchange. The giving of both on such a scale that for one split second, when both are released, everything is drawn in. The give, the take. The earth, the sky. The destiny, the chance. The force, the distance. The push, the pull. The space, the time. The hurt, the joy. The triumph, the pain. The trials, the tribulations. The good, the bad. The yin, the yang. The me, the you.

(Originally written 13/10/07)

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A Stolen Survey

1.Are your parents still married?
No, they divorced my eighth or ninth grade year

2.How many siblings do you have?

3.Where did you grow up?
Jeff Shitty

4.What is the longest friendship you currently have?
I would say Les and Nathan since 7th/8th grade. So, ten years roughly.

5.Do you have a religious affiliation? What is it and are you active in it?
My family went to Baptist church, but I don't subscribe to any religion b/c I really don't believe in them.

6.Is there any philosophy or doctrine of life you try and live by?
1) What goes around comes around. 2) Do your momma/family right. 3) Live life according to your rules. 4) Have fun b/c no matter if we get one of these or 12, your living here and now. Better rock it.

7.Is your family close? What about extended family?
Not really. We don't talk about things. My dad's family is more open, but I don't talk to them.

8.Ever been in love? Still in love?
No and no.

9.Thing you most hate about yourself?
I can't say "no" and I feel emotionally detached a lot.

10.Thing you like most about yourself?
I'm smart, funny and kind. I think I'm a cool person.

1.Cremation or burial?
Burn my ass at the stake.

2.Drown to death or freeze to death?
Drown. It'd be quicker.

3.Lord of the Rings, Star Wars or Harry Potter?
Star Wars.

4.Hurricane or tornado?
Tornado. Hurricanes seem to fuck up everything.

5.Cuddling or making out?
Hmm...both are nice.

6.MySpace or FaceBook?

7.Book or movie?
It depends. While there are many a great movie out there, sometimes a book can just hit the spot untouched by movies.

8.Steak or lobster?
Lobster. Delicious.

9. School or career?
God I miss school.

10.Renaissance art or impressionism art?
Jesus, I hate talking about art. What's to talk about? Either you like it, or you don't.

1.Song to be played at your wedding?
Many good ones out there. I love Lauryn Hill's cover of "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You".

2.Song to be played at your funeral?
Something cheery.

3.Song played when you are feeling down?
It depends if I want to feel better or worse. Usually worse.

4.Song played in celebration?
Anything fun.

5.Song played during road rage?
Anything rap.

6.Song that you can never get enough of?
Any classic rock.

7.Song that most annoys you?
Top 40 crap.

8.Song most often stuck in your head?
I never have any one song stuck up there for any certain length of time.

9.Song that causes you to feel nostalgic?
Again, anything classic rock that my Dad would listen to when I was a child.

10.Best love song?
Landslide. Heartbreaking, tradgic, yearning. That's real love.

1.What is your current relationship status?

2.Do you believe it's possible for two people to fall in love and remain together happily for all their life?
Yes, in theory.

3.Do you believe it's possible for YOU to fall in love with one person and remain happily with them forever?
Yes, in theory.

4.Do you believe everyone has only ONE true love?
Unfortunately no. I believe the possibility is out there for all of us to have many great experiences with many people. It all depends if we meet them or not, or if you settle or not. And I don't think there's anything wrong with settling.

5.If you are cheated on, does that person deserve a second chance? Would you give that person a second chance (this is different than deserves one)?
No and no. I've seen my mom forgive and forgive in her marriage, but one thing she didn't take was cheating and that IS the deal breaker.

6.How much of your happiness/mood depends on your relationship status?

7.Do you see yourself getting married? If so, when? If not, then why?
If I lived somewhere where I could marry, then yeah, I would. Maybe my late 20s (which is fastly approaching)/early 30s.

8.What is more powerful, lust or love?
Love. Hands down.

9.Do you think when love happens, you just know you are in love – or is it more complicated?
I think people know when they're in love. It's just getting over the denial part.

10.How much should sex have to do with love?
I think sex has a lot to do with it. Or it should.

1.What is your ideal job?
One where I can write and meet lots of people.

2.Are you in your ideal job now? If not, will your current job help attain your ideal job?
I've found two great jobs I enjoy and would like to continue down those paths.

3.Do you prefer a workplace that is strictly business or one where colleagues are friends?
Colleagues as friends.

4.How long have you been set on the career or field of career that you now aspire to?
Since high school.

5.How much do you think effort and focus contribute to success compared to who you know?
I think it's all about who you know. I've seen the proof in the pudding.

6.What is your current job?
Part-time journalist/humane society.

7.One thing you would change about your job?
Cutting down on the crazies.

8. What is the best thing about your job?
My co-workers. They're amazing.

9. What is the job you would most hate?
Anything in the service industry.

10. Job you wanted in elementary school?
Egyptologist or marine biologist.

1.What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Dr Pepper.

2.What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Depends if I want to be;

Classy: Gin and tonic, bloody mary
Trashy: Tequila shots, Rum n' diet
or just plan Sassy: Beer. Basically any kind.

3.What is your favorite meal?
Anything really. Cheese helps that out, too.

4.What is your favorite dessert?

5.What is your favorite fruit?

6.What is your favorite genre of food?
The kind you eat.

7.What is a food you will never try?
I'm pretty sure I'd try anything at least once.

8.What food always makes you happy?
I don't know if food makes me happy. I think I've grown out of my fat phase.

9.Do you think chocolate is magic?
Depends if there's anything wacky in it.

10.What is your best meal/bake good that you can cook?
I can make a lot. But I'm known for my corn bread. (Yeah, I used to be a black woman in my previous life).

Sunday, September 2, 2007


I can't get over how much I love the show "Weeds". I bought the first season on a whim two weeks ago and loved, loved, loved it.

The show is a half-hour long with no commercials. It airs on Showtime.

It's funny and dramatic. It takes you on many emotional highs and lows in just one half-hour. It's simply superb.

And above all it has so much real marijuana lingo, too. It even talks about the different highs and types. It's a real portrayal of how people purchase and smoke weed.

Elizabeth I

"I have no desire to make windows into men's souls."

"Must I be touched by no one."