G.I. Joe PSAs

For anyone that hasn't seen this hilarity.

My Addiction to Black Holes

Based on a recent conversation with Andrew, last night to be exact, I've come up with the perfect analogy to describe my dysfunctionality.

Last Sunday, the 11th, double "A" texted me with a proposition to get together on Wednesday. Of course I engaged him and his behavior, rewarding him with a response. Of course hooking-up never came to fruition. Yeah, I was disappointed. Yeah, I was hesitant. Such an experience has never happened to me and for him to be my first would be of huge importance. Or would it? I kept telling myself it would be fine. I just want to get it over and done with anyway. But Amanda said to me that you really want your first time to be special before you go out and start screwing the world. Haha.



But still, I yearn for him. He's something that I want to conquer. I've come to the realization that I am attracted to major closet cases, not because they're closeted per se, but because they propose the hardest chase.

I know it's not fair to me that he can keep me on such a short leash. Responding to him is something that gives him power and I'm more that willing to give it to him. But I don't know why I can't just cut the cord? Why do I insist on playing a game of cat and mouse when a large part of me wants to settle down with someone I deserve?



Now he's moving, supposedly, and I want that chance. That taste. The blood.

I've really done a number on myself. I don't know why I'm so destructive. I regret too much sometimes I feel. I want to carpe diem, but I'm too timid by the possibility of being really hurt.



So, this is where the part of the black hole comes to the forefront. What do black holes do but suck up light? They destroy every thing that comes into their path by taking everything beautiful out of it. There's a certain dance that both stars and black holes do with gravity being their swan song. They dance and spin around until one caves.

Perhaps it wasn't meant to be, but man does that sure suck.

Early Winter, Gwen Stefani

Cashback

I just finished watching the movie Cashback with Amanda. I must say I was really impressed. I was thinking this was going to be a long movie and not interesting. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The movie begins after Ben, an artist at a university, breaks up with his girlfriend. Because he is so distraught by this, he becomes an insomniac. He eventually gets a job working the late shift at a local grocery store in order to pass the time away.

He eventually learns to slow down time and eventually stop it and literally live in a second. This is how he is able to draw and eventually paint such exquisite pieces. The stopping of time plays the most important role in the film and is used as an analogy for the audience.

The movie features a really strong narration as Ben explains how he creates his art. His muse? Women of course.



The movie features special effects and utilizes slow motion a lot.

My only complaint is the overuse of nudity, which borders on pornographic, to explain Ben's fascination with the female form. A fascination which he's had since he was a child and became mesmerized by the Swedish foreign exchange student living in his house.

The only reason why I think the nudity is in excess is because the narration is so strong, so beautiful, that having such strong imagery kind of distracts from the narration.



"You just have to see that love is wrapped in beauty and hidden away in between the seconds of your life. If you don't stop for a minute, you might miss it"

Beautiful film. ***A***

A Casual Encounter

A casual glance,
A mistaken romance

A brush of skin,
and these emotions begin again

A casual encounter
make both victims for the fodder

Hearts race,
clothes shred



A long embrace

Lips plump with blood,
It comes like a flood

Your sweat is salty as it falls to my tongue

Why did this happen,
When has it begun

Let's State the Obvious, Shall We?

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique. No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing. You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure. You're easily bored. As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful. You do best when you: - Can work by yourself - Can express your personality in your work You would also be a good journalist or actor.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world. And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

Silver Lining

FINALLY Rilo Kiley has a video for this amazing song. Jenny Lewis looks so beautiful. I actually saw it on VH1 the other night/morning. Cool.

Gratitude for Lack of Altitude

I really have no clue what is bothering me so much.

I'm stressed on the job front because this time I'm holding out for something that I'll be with for a while. Like a long while. But there are no jobs that I want in Mid-Mo. Seriously. My mom hasn't been too harsh on me, but I know she's annoyed about the whole borrowing money thing.

I also enjoy not working. Haha. I mean I enjoy not having a grinding routine. I just want a really kick-ass job now. I want something totally deserving of my time and intelligence. The Humane Society just sucked the life out of me. Not because the work was excruciating or too difficult, but because it occupied so much of my time and emotion. Honestly I'm better off, but I miss my co-workers and I miss having a pay check. Getting fired totally side-swiped me.



I'm also very lonely. I just want a boyfriend. I need that part of my life to be fulfilled and the void always seems to be getting wider and wider. My patience also seems to be thinning and dissolving.

I'm going to go after this Missouri Theater job. I'll flood their inbox with damn e-mails until they respond dammit!

I think I'm going to go to STL this weekend to pursue an internship at the magazine Sheniqua is currently interning for right now. I'd love to work along side her, but I don't know if she'll be there? They're having an internship open house and I think that will be better for me than a fucking cover letter. I don't know why cover letters are hard for me, but they are. Maybe it's because I feel they're so limiting. I mean think about it: you have four paragraphs top to sell yourself and your experience when all you want to write is, "I have a fucking college education, can pick-up anything if instructed competently, and will bring an awesome dynamic to the workplace." Seems simple enough, right? But that is not the case. I hope I can see Sheniqua. I miss that girl. Plus, a spring internship would be great, granted I'd have to get a part-time job to support myself, but the experience would be amazing. Combine that with my writing experience already PLUS contacts in the publishing industry. Hopefully that could land me a job in Cali.



Bottom line: I think freelance, for all of its chaos, would be a perfect field for me. It's not 9 to 5. It's unconventional.

I never thought I'd be so against the establishment, but I can't do the daily grind.

I was talking with Amanda a couple of hours ago. She's been going through basically the same stuff, job and male frustrations, and we talked about how these hard times will only make us stronger and more interesting. We both don't want that same daily pony show and we're scrapping by. It's hard for sure. But we also are having more fun. This is true. Time is also going by more slowly, too. And we both agree that because we aren't doing the normal routine we are experiencing more and enjoying our time more because we have the time to do so. Too bad everyone can't have that.

I'm grateful.

Planet Earth

These photos I found on the internet. They're amazing!

Eh!

I need a job. I don't want one though. Unless it's an amazing one. Fucking workforce.

Quotin' Quotables

"I Love women, I just don’t fall in love with them, but I’m attracted to them. I find their bodies beautiful, and I can relate to them as the pursues, because of course as a gay man you understand what it is to be taken – to be an object to your partner – as well as what it’s like to be the aggressor"~ Tom Ford.



...Amen my brotha'! I think that's one of the most perfect descriptions for people to understand what the hell it's like to be gay.