Gratitude for Lack of Altitude

I really have no clue what is bothering me so much.

I'm stressed on the job front because this time I'm holding out for something that I'll be with for a while. Like a long while. But there are no jobs that I want in Mid-Mo. Seriously. My mom hasn't been too harsh on me, but I know she's annoyed about the whole borrowing money thing.

I also enjoy not working. Haha. I mean I enjoy not having a grinding routine. I just want a really kick-ass job now. I want something totally deserving of my time and intelligence. The Humane Society just sucked the life out of me. Not because the work was excruciating or too difficult, but because it occupied so much of my time and emotion. Honestly I'm better off, but I miss my co-workers and I miss having a pay check. Getting fired totally side-swiped me.



I'm also very lonely. I just want a boyfriend. I need that part of my life to be fulfilled and the void always seems to be getting wider and wider. My patience also seems to be thinning and dissolving.

I'm going to go after this Missouri Theater job. I'll flood their inbox with damn e-mails until they respond dammit!

I think I'm going to go to STL this weekend to pursue an internship at the magazine Sheniqua is currently interning for right now. I'd love to work along side her, but I don't know if she'll be there? They're having an internship open house and I think that will be better for me than a fucking cover letter. I don't know why cover letters are hard for me, but they are. Maybe it's because I feel they're so limiting. I mean think about it: you have four paragraphs top to sell yourself and your experience when all you want to write is, "I have a fucking college education, can pick-up anything if instructed competently, and will bring an awesome dynamic to the workplace." Seems simple enough, right? But that is not the case. I hope I can see Sheniqua. I miss that girl. Plus, a spring internship would be great, granted I'd have to get a part-time job to support myself, but the experience would be amazing. Combine that with my writing experience already PLUS contacts in the publishing industry. Hopefully that could land me a job in Cali.



Bottom line: I think freelance, for all of its chaos, would be a perfect field for me. It's not 9 to 5. It's unconventional.

I never thought I'd be so against the establishment, but I can't do the daily grind.

I was talking with Amanda a couple of hours ago. She's been going through basically the same stuff, job and male frustrations, and we talked about how these hard times will only make us stronger and more interesting. We both don't want that same daily pony show and we're scrapping by. It's hard for sure. But we also are having more fun. This is true. Time is also going by more slowly, too. And we both agree that because we aren't doing the normal routine we are experiencing more and enjoying our time more because we have the time to do so. Too bad everyone can't have that.

I'm grateful.