Lord, you are not as funny as you'd like to believe...

Just when I thought I had gotten over my previous feelings for a certain someone, life, fate, God, whatever you want to call it, has thrown yet another curve ball to utterly complicate the situation.

I began a new level of flirtation with this person a couple of weeks ago. Ultimately it ended when I couldn't find a way to meet up with him for a sexy time in the wee morning hours of July 5.

Now there is zero percent acknowledgement that any of this took place.

All I want is someone who is not a closet case, or into playing games. Jesus. What is wrong with everyone? I'm not excluding myself mind you. But really. I'm not as bad as some of the nut-jobs out there.

And all I can do now is ask myself what is the purpose of this person in my life? I'm moving back to Jeff in two weeks. He's apparently going to join the military. Nothing like running away from shit, eh?

I just believe everyone serves a purpose in our lives. What's his? We dream that these people will bring some remarkable presence or fulfillment in our lives. I mean the people we hold near and dear to us. I need to stop questioning and just ride the tides. Unfortunately easier said than done.

100 Posts and still going!

Here's a little poem my mom sent me. Sappy, I know, but cute.



If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

This book is beautiful in its technical kind of way. Richard Bach is/was a pilot and the technical turns of flying can be distracting, but this book is beautiful. I'm proud to have been named after it.

"If our friendship depends on things like space and time, then when we finally overcome space and time, we've destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And in the middle of Here and Now, don't you think that we might see each other once or twice?"

Maybe

I’m strong
But I break
I’m stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I’m hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I’m jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you’ll know and you’ll see just how sweet it can be
If you’ll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

Someday
When we’re at the same place
When we’re on the same road
When it’s okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it’s just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you’ll know and you’ll see just how sweet it can be
If you’ll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

I’m confusing as hell
I’m north and south

And I’ll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn’t meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I’ll try
Yeah I’m gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

One day
We’ll meet again and you’ll need me, you’ll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe you’ll love me, you’ll love me then

I don’t want to be tough
And I don’t want to be proud
I don’t need to be fixed and I certainly don’t need to be found
I’m not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won’t stop ‘cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I’m thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might

Maybe, love maybe

A Beautiful Day

Psychedelics are fun and somehow very truthful. Sad that substances need to reveal to us how important life is and how beautiful it is.



Just looking up at the sky and seeing the depth of it. The layers of the clouds. How you can see each water molecule swirl and swish around as it dances into a new formation. Simply divine.



Planes jetting through the sky propelling itself with chemicals from a trail of clouds. How peaceful this destruction seems. And somehow we're all one with that plane. Living our lives. Beautiful.

Hott Damn!

I best be gettin' some soon ;)

The Death of a Fish

Every time a fish dies,

The world cries