The Roving Reporter

Here We Go Again!

2009-05-30T02:29:00.002-05:00

Your Expression Number is 11

You tend to be associated with idealistic concepts and spiritual issues.

You have high potentials that are somewhat difficult to live up to.

You have very strong intuition and you can be a bit psychic at times.

Highly inspirational, you can lead merely by your own example.

You have an inborn inner strength and awareness that helps you advise others.

Although you have what it takes for a successful career, you belong outside the business world.

Overly sensitive and temperamental, you tend to have a lot of nervous tension.

You dream a lot, so much so that you may be more of a dreamer than a doer.

Fantasy and reality tend to get intermingled for you, and that leads to impracticality.

What's Your Expression Number?

You Are Vitamin D

You're a naturally strong person. You've always had a lot of endurance.

You can survive what would make most people crumble. You have both mental and physical strength.

You don't do a lot to stay healthy - you just live a pretty natural lifestyle.

You stay away from processed junk, sleep like a baby, and get plenty of sunshine!

What Vitamin Are You?

You Are Super Spiritual

You are in touch with the world around you, and you find peace in connecting with others.

You believe that every life is special and that every life has a purpose.

You value harmony and understanding. You try not to judge, bicker, and fight.

As simple as it sounds, you truly think it's important to make the world a better place.

How Spiritual Are You?

You Are Highly Colorful

You are intensely alive and very passionate.

You are optimistic about the world and about people.

You feel very connected to others, and you tend to be a harmonizing force.

You are vibrant and receptive. You are ready for whatever the world has to offer you.

The Watercolor Test

You Are Yellow

You are bright, vibrant, and cheerful. Your energy can take over a room.

You look on the sunny side of life. You are able to avoid stress, anxiety, and burnout.

It's hard to get you down, and you've rarely been depressed in your life.

You tend to have a clear mind and an unburdened heart. You try to bring as much light as possible into your life.

What Primary Color Are You?

You Belong in Generation X

You fit in best with people born between 1961 and 1981.

You are fun, laid back, and very independent.

You are willing to take risks and live your life however you see fit.

You are casual, accepting, and friendly. You see everyone as your equal.

What Generation Do You Belong In?

You Are Genial and Polite

You are optimistic and hopeful. Sometimes you do get disappointed by expecting too much.

You are generally confident and friendly with strangers. You are well mannered and sociable.

Money is fairly important to you. You aren't super greedy, but you enjoy spending money on yourself.

You enjoy the world around you, and you thrive on new environments. You can be easily surrounded by natural or man made beauty.

The City Walk Personality Test

Frustration Concentration

2009-05-21T00:03:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted in over a month. I feel uninspired. That word alone can make someone put a noose around their neck.

I've been trying so hard to make things work. I feel focused and energetic. Somehow though, the energy I feel I'm putting out, isn't coming back to me in the way I expected it.

My life now is mundane. It's filled with wonderful people. I can look forward to my day and know where it will take me, but where are the ends?

I'm not unhappy by any means, I'm just antsy. Frustrated.

I keep thinking maybe I need to move on. Either physically or emotionally.

Why can't I find my footing? Where is my place?

Holy Shit!

2009-04-04T01:29:00.004-05:00

Is this happening? Justin, I think it's happening.

Click the title of my post to read the Washington Post article.

Mine for the Taking

2009-03-27T17:58:00.005-05:00

This world is mine for the taking,
Whether I'm out late or waking up and baking;
I haven't sold albums that went gold,
Or have 20 plus cars that I roll,
But damn it feels like I'm making

Progress, that I stress is several years coming,
Don't stop running when the sun comes up;
Can't be late for my morning cup,
Chasing paper, best believe I deliver,
On what's mine

So, I'm gonna take this world,
Ride her steady, won't fall short because I'll pick myself up

This world is mine for the taking,
So when I rise up with fists,
Like Jenny Lewis,
I'm gonna make mountains explode,
Waves will roll,
And I'm gonna make mine the only path to behold

Holy Crap!

2009-03-26T18:11:00.002-05:00

I'm in love!...

...with this photo.

Collision Course

2009-03-12T01:07:00.005-05:00

I want to express how much I love every person in my life.

It's terrible that I can't express that to anyone who is important to me.

Yoga Hotness

2009-03-06T01:30:00.002-06:00

Ok...

2009-03-06T01:27:00.003-06:00

So, obviously I learned something...at least in html code. I was just able to put a "trademark" under my blog title. Fuck yeah!

Goddamn Community Center Courses

2009-03-06T01:15:00.003-06:00

So my experience tonight at my career center course was not very positive.

I came in with a really positive attitude. Ready to learn. Ready to kick Adobe Dreamweaver's ass. I however, was disappointed with the lack of structure, I guess.

I guess my frustrations come down to others that were distracted by, what I consider, mundane things. Or things I wouldn't be stuck on. (I hate the fact that I ended that sentence in a preposition). The other people totally threw my concentration off.

Also, our instructor totally did not follow a steady structure. He even apologized for "jumping around" on the course outline.

We'll see on Monday how much I absorbed when I play with Dreamweaver at my internship.

Blogthings

2009-03-05T01:09:00.004-06:00

You Are Sun

You have a past history of being secretive and deceptive.

You're the type of person who will protect yourself at all costs.

While you can be crafty when you need to, you are usually giving, friendly, and likable.

You truly care for other people, and you are very sensitive.

People tend to underestimate you. You seem like a fragile flower, but you're not.

You are gutsy and clever. You have a way of getting what you want without anyone noticing.

Who Are You on LOST?

You Are Carrot Juice

You are a warm, cooperative person. You work well with others.

While you have a fairly strong personality, you don't have a lot of clashes and conflicts.

You are ambitious, but not ruthlessly so. You won't step on anybody's feet to get to the top.

You are successful, and all your success has come while looking out for others.

What Kind of Juice Are You?

You Are a Yellow Light

You take life at a sustainable past. Fast enough to do a lot, but not fast enough to leave everyone behind.

You are open to whatever may come your way in life. You're very receptive.

You are quite thoughtful and knowledgeable. You have the perfect mix of reflection and experience.

You think before you act. You like to know some of the facts before you make a decision.

What Color Traffic Light Are You?

You Are Peaceful

You are feeling very serene and centered. You're content with your life.

You have a clear head and a peaceful spirit. You are relaxed enough to appreciate what you have.

You are able to let go of your fears. You are trusting and generous toward others.

You live a quiet, mellow life. It may not be dramatic, but it's very fulfilling.

What Kind of Happy Are You?

You Would Be a Upstanding Superhero

You are alert and observant. You can see through people easily. You know who's evil and who's good.

You need a lot of freedom in your life. You like to do your own thing, and you don't fit into any normal mold.

You understand people quite well and often know what others are thinking. Because of this, you can get people to do what you want.

You tend to feel apart from the rest of the world. You don't really fit in, and you don't try to!

You are a true intellectual. You are thirsty for knowledge, and you are curious about the world.

What Kind of Superhero Would You Be?

You Are the Anti-Jerk

You're so sweet, no one would ever consider you a jerk.

When it comes to deciding what to do, you always think about everyone else first.

There's nothing wrong with going the extra mile, as long as you don't let others take advantage of you.

Make sure you avoid jerks who will take advantage of your kindness. Be selective about who you're generous toward.

Are You a Jerk?

You Got 10/10 Questions Right

It's pretty clear that you're obsessed with Barack Obama.

Do you know his shoe size and Social Security number too?

In your group of friends, you're definitely the Obama expert.

You always having some Obama related trivia to share, and you're ready to dispel any myths.

How Much Do You Know About Barack Obama?

AHahahahaha!!!!

2009-03-05T00:48:00.004-06:00

There's so much happening right now. I'm overwhelmed, but in the greatest way possible. I have work that I love, people in my life that fulfill every need, but things are escalating. Emotions are rising. And I have to watch my footing while on this marathon.

I can't slip. And I feel myself wanting to. I want things I can't. They aren't mine to have.

Emotional cul-de-sac.

Blogthings

2009-02-16T00:58:00.003-06:00

You Are Very Warm

You are kind, caring, and empathetic. A lot of warm energy radiates from you.

And it's not an act - you truly like people. You get a charge from people being around you.

You are are easy going and very socially adaptable. You're willing to overlook peoples'quirks.

You enjoy meeting people from all walks of life and helping them if you can. Giving makes you feel good.

How Warm Are You?

You Communicate Honestly

You don't mince words. You are to the point and all about the facts.

However, you are charming enough to tell people the truth yet still not offend them.

It's likely that you have a hilarious, no holds barred sense of humor. And you sure tell an entertaining story!

You're also quite open. People can ask you anything, and you don't shy away from controversial conversation topics.

What Kind of Communicator Are You?

You Are Peanut Butter Sandwiches / Do-si-dos

You are easy going and naturally happy. You don't need a lot to make you smile.

You genuinely care about people and are a great friend. You're always doing your best to make the world a better place.

Even though there isn't an immature bone in your body, you still are like a big kid sometimes.

Why make life complicated when the best parts are actually quite simple? You enjoy the small joys of life.

What Girl Scout Cookie Are You?

You Are a Whiteboard

You are a dreamer, a visionary, and a straight up idea person. You are very creative.

Even if the things you think up are a bit wacky, they often are brilliant.

You are an adept problem solver. You are always tossing around dozens of ideas.

You would make a good artist, designer, or architect. You do best when work feels like play.

What Office Supply Are You?

You Were an Outgoing Kid

When you were a kid, you had no problem expressing yourself.

There's a good chance you started talking early - and never stopped!

You had a lot of friends, and unlike most kids, you weren't shy around adults.

You were well adjusted and confident. You enjoyed speaking up and participating.

What Kind of Kid Were You?

25 and Still Alive!

2009-02-15T23:37:00.003-06:00

It's surreal, and yet, mundane to get older. I've reached my "quarter life" whatever the hell that means and I couldn't have spent it with any other people in the world.

To the four greatest people I've ever met, I thank you for taking the time out to let me know what I mean to you. I can't repay that. I love you all.

To the fifth person that just gets me totally and loves me period; I love you, and we'll be together soon. I can't live without you.

And to my Mom. You've given me life, and I can't imagine how you feel knowing that your creations are people with lives separate from your own. That's a freeing and heartbreaking realization in and of itself.

It's great to be here.

Superheroes

2009-02-12T11:43:00.004-06:00

Marvel or DC? That will always be the eternal conflict.

Cool Photo Time

2009-02-09T00:44:00.001-06:00

Hottness

2009-02-08T23:47:00.004-06:00

Holy Crap!

2009-02-08T23:14:00.002-06:00

One week until my quarter-life crisis can begin. YAY!!!!

President OBAMA!

2009-01-20T17:39:00.002-06:00

This is the day the Lord hath made!!!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

P.S. Michelle is smokin'. I'm going to be o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with her the next four years.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-16T13:05:00.005-06:00

What does it take to change your destiny? When you're born a poor child, your family is killed, making you an orphan, and as a result you spend your childhood and adolescence scamming and scavenging to get by, what possible hope is there for you to win a millions of dollars on a popular game show?

Director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, Sunshine)answers that question in Slumdog Millionaire which is a heartfelt tale of Jamal, an orphan that takes up a life of innocent crime with his brother Salim after his mother is killed.

The movie focuses on three periods in the boys' lives. Jamal, the innocent doe-eyed boy who fawns after a young girl who also lost her family, struggles to find his footing eventually growing up and working for a call center. Salim, the tough-as-nails older brother turns to a life of crime, killing fellow con-men, serving his own interests, and even using the object of his brothers affections, Latika, to his advantage.

Latika, as Jamal finds out, is a fan of the Hindi version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" after a failed attempt to take her from her current life where she lives with a wealthy criminal. Jamal then decides to take a chance with his fate and becomes a contestant on the game show with the simple hope of having Latika see him again.

The movie is told through three vignettes. The first where Jamal, played by doe-eyed Dev Patel, is being interrogated by police after the first night on the game show where he successfully answers questions that doctors and lawyers can't even answer. They suspect him of cheating. The second where Jamal is on the game show answering question after question with much trepidation and lack of expression. The third and final is the narrative which explains how this boy, this kid from the slums, who wasn't meant for greater things, knows the answers to the questions he's being asked.

What transpires in the following two hours is a tale of hope and tragedy, love and loss. And what occurs emotionally is more important and fulfilling than the desire for Jamal to win, both the money and the girl, but the realization that sometimes when you don't know the questions, the answers are already written out for you. ***A***

Quizzes

2009-01-11T23:27:00.002-06:00

You Are a Ski Cap

You are a comfortable, low maintenance, and even practical person.

You use fashion to look good, and you don't stray too far from the mainstream.

You are friendly and accepting. You don't really judge other people for their fashion choices.

You enjoy clothes and accessories as much as the next person, but you're not superficial about it!

What Winter Hat Are You?

You Are Buttermilk Pancakes

Your prefer traditional, old fashioned foods.

You shy away from anything fake, and you like meals with simple ingredients.

It's not likely someone would find margarine or diet soda in your kitchen.

Instead, someone might find a loaf of homemade bread baking or a soup simmering.

What Kind of Pancakes Are You?

Your Word is "Fearless"

You see life as your one chance to experience everything, and you just go for it!

You believe the biggest risk is being afraid and missing out on something amazing.

Sometimes your fearlessness means you're daring. You enjoy risky activities.

And sometimes your fearlessness means you're courageous. You're brave enough to do the right thing, even when it's scary.

What's Your Word?

You Feel Misunderstood By Your Family

You get along with everyone in your family, and you tend to play the peacemaker. You can see issues from all sides.

You feel like your family is prone to too many arguments and instability. You never feel like things can be completely peaceful.

It's sometimes hard for your family to understand who you are now. You've changed a lot, and they have trouble accepting the new you.

You are honest and very outspoken with your family. You sometimes hurt feelings by saying things they don't want to hear.

How Do You Really Feel About Your Family?

You Are Copper

You are provocative and challenging. You help people realize who they really are.

You live a very balanced life. You always take time for love and art.

You are both a powerful and generous person. You always have time to give back.

People find you to be incredibly ethical and loyal.

What Metal Are You?

What Your Nose Says About You

You are impulsive and tend to follow your heart.

You tend to be stubborn. You don't take other people's opinions seriously.

You are objective and logical. You make a good businessperson.

You are helpful and giving. You like cooperating, and you're always willing to lend a hand.

You are pessimistic and cynical. You expect the worst from people.

What Does Your Nose Say About You?

R.I.P. 2008

2009-01-07T14:23:00.005-06:00

Thank God 2008 is over. It was pretty tough year. But we're all the wiser, right?

I had some ridiculous number of jobs. Like five. I'm working out my finances which hopefully will be more prosperous this year. (Supposedly 2009 is going to be great for Aquarius'. I'll keep breathing to be sure). Uh, the rest is too long, boring, frustrating and wasteful to dwell on. I'm thankful for all my friends, who I've cemented as my make-shift family. Rachael, Rachel, Ben, and of course Jordan, have all been noticeable shining stars in my life.

Now my top picks. They're few. Especially the movies.

Albums
(My apologies to Beyonce and Britney for not getting their albums in time. I have to purchase them out of principle).

5. Madonna - Hard Candy

4. Robin Thicke - Something Else

3. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular

2. Kanye West - 808s and Heartbreak

1. Coldplay - Viva La Vida

** Honorable Mentions - T.I. - Paper Trail, Panic At the Disco - Pretty.Odd., Jason Mraz - We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, Estelle - Shine, Ludacris - Theater of the Mind

Movies
(A lot of movies I saw this year were comedies. And they all have something to do with Judd Apatow)

5. Role Models

4. Step Brothers

3. Pineapple Express

2. The Dark Knight

1. Milk

Milk

2008-12-21T12:03:00.003-06:00

The story of Harvey Milk is one I've known only briefly. An out gay man who was elected to San Francisco's board of supervisors and who was gunned down by a fellow supervisor in 1978. The subject seems perfect for a movie, right?

In Milk, Gus Van Sant's affecting dedication, Sean Penn plays Harvey Milk, a man frustrated with his life, so, he moves from New York area to San Francisco to follow his dreams of living a simplistic life with his partner. Soon he and the audience realize, like many instances in this life, sometimes having the easy life isn't meant for everyone. Milk is dissatisfied with his neighborhood and the treatment of homosexuals and wants change.

Milk begins by running for office. He fails. Repeatedly. He does eventually win, however, after much strife and alienation experienced by his long-time boyfriend played by James Franco in a strong, subtle performance.

What fascinates and awes in this movie is the degree to which Milk plays the system. Yes, he's gay, but he's smart and calculating as a politician. He's elected. And there's resistance of course. Threats on his life are made. He forges ahead.

What is great about this movie is its universal and timeless message that we our in control of our fates, if we're willing to take the responsibility to do so. Still more amazing is Penn's ability to strip away the narrative of the film and talk directly to the audience without actually doing so. At times, when Milk is talking to those huddled masses, that he shakes you to the core and makes you look at yourself. And personally, as a gay man, he tells you exactly what every homosexual must realize: a life of simplicity and privacy is something you should have if you desire it, but no matter how we try, what happens in the bedroom affects us as much as any other force in our lives, and hiding can't lead to change.

Inspirational, chilling and affecting. Van Sant crafts an amazing and subtle movie with much grace. Could it have been as good if the director himself wasn't gay?

Josh Brolin, as Dan White, Milk's fellow supervisor who eventually guns him down, is strong and reserved. There's something boiling under White's skin. Frustration? Disenfranchisement? Whatever it was, we know how it ends. And what an unexpectedly expected ending.

This movie, its quality of performance and craftsmanship, will be remembered for years to come, and perhaps everything Milk fought for won't die in vain. ***A***

Cool Photo Time

2008-12-18T12:01:00.002-06:00

Random Acts of Boredom

2008-12-02T01:30:00.002-06:00

You Are a Maine Coon Cat

You tend to be loving and playful around your family and friends.

But when you're around strangers you tend to be a bit reserved.

You are intuitive. You understand human emotions well.

You do best when you are around people. You don't like being left alone.

What Breed of Cat Are You?

You Are the Tree Pose

You are a well grounded, down to earth person. Not much shakes you.

You can remain steady through a crisis - and other people lean on you.

You have high standards and morals. You easily rise above pettiness.

While people sometimes accuse you of being stubborn, you are able to shift focus when you need to.

What Yoga Pose Are You?

You Are 46% Likely to Survive Another Great Depression

Your habits are pretty on par with the average person.

Unfortunately, this means your chances aren't good in another Great Depression.

Start saving your money now. Living in debt isn't doing you any favors.

Also figure out how to live a little more cheaply. Every little bit you can trim will help.

Could You Survive Another Great Depression?

You Are a Pilgrim

Like the pilgrims, you've felt persecuted for your beliefs from time to time.

You have a strong sense of right and wrong. Your morality sometimes makes you feel out of step with the modern world.

You may not go as far as moving across the world, but you still identify with the pilgrims.

Well, except for the whole stealing land and killing Indians thing.

Are You a Pilgrim or an Indian?

Your Sexuality is Australian

The average Australian first has sex at age 17.

And the average number of partners is 13.

17% of Australians have had a same sex experience.

22% of Aussies have done some role playing in the bedroom.

What Country Matches Your Sexuality?

You Should Spend the Holidays In

Denmark - where you leave a mischievous elf a bowl of rice pudding

What Country Should You Spend the Holidays In?

You Are Pecan Pie Soda

Sweet, but totally nuts

What Jones Holiday Soda Are You?

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Each year, you really get into the spirit of Christmas.

Which is much more important to you than nifty presents.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

Quantum of Solace

2008-11-26T12:05:00.001-06:00

Ah, James. How does a former super-spy designed to fight Cold War villainy keep modern audiences entertained and captivated? First you revamp the entire genre starting with a comparison to what audiences respond most: intelligent action propelled by character-driven story lines. Simple enough, right? Not so much.

Quantum of Solace picks-up where the last James Bond left us in Casino Royal. The series was revamped with a new, more intense James, Daniel Craig, and inspired by a need to tell the origins of how one becomes a secret agent with a license to kill. The action sequences become more elaborate and sophisticatedly real. The series became more dark, more real, and somehow promised to compete with every action series out there.

Easy enough. Not so. While Casino Royal promised a new direction, the ability to keep up with its commitment has once again stranded the super spy in action hero limbo.

For all intents and purposes, Quantum delivers on the action. A little too much. From the very start the action sequences are long and intense. And I mean needing a defibrillator and a cigarette intense. Much appreciation goes out to the cast and crew for delivering so much to a genre that once needed invisible cars to get us from point A to point B.

But for all the action, the story dwindles. Our Bond is tough, smart and savvy, but the transition from action sequence to action sequence, disguised as a story, or hell, even a plot, is lost. It's almost as if our dear James is so worried to keep up with the Jason Bournes, the Transporters, the superheros, that he's lost touch with what people really love about him: he's a spy. He has to investigate and gather clues to get to those bad guys. Believe me, people like to feel a part of the story by understanding how you arrived to the bad guys. In this Bond, he seems to know where they are at all times and just goes in for the kill. And boy does he rack up the body count.

For what it's worth, an action movie, Quantum delivers above and beyond. As for a spy drama, let's hope the next one is a little more in-tune. Kudos to Daniel Craig for bringing Bond to a whole new level of badass and for Marc Forster for bringing beautifully shot landscapes and technically marvelous action sequences to the sliver screen. But as far as delivering on what began a couple of years ago, that shot heard around the world has long since been muffled. ***C***

Role Models

2008-11-08T15:08:00.008-06:00

There is something in the water in Hollywood. Ever since the take-over of Judd Apatow and his league of funny men, Hollywood's yearly barrage of comedy popcorn flicks has featured great ensembles, crude and highbrow humor, and surprising heartfelt human touches on what could be less-than-stellar plot lines.

Role Models is such a movie. This time Paul Rudd carries this feature with much-do credit. Rudd plays Danny, a man in his thirties unfulfilled in his professional life which has put strain on his personal one. Rudd proves, once again, that he can charm and deliver us the laughs. Great actor.

Danny's partner where he works, did I mention it was an energy-drink company, Wheeler, is just the Stifler-like character you'd expect would be the wingman. Shockingly the movies producers got Seann William Scott. Fitting.

In a fit of rage Danny distroyes a company truck, forcing Danny and Wheeler to serve community service. They are directed to Study Wings, a Big Brothers, Big Sisters-like organization run by ex-con Gayle Sweeny, played perfectly by Jane Lynch.

The humor is perfectly crude at times. Look for excellent cameos by the young men that Danny and Wheeler mentor, Bobb'e J. Thompson as Ronnie and Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Augie. Enjoy laughing your ass off! ***A***

That Quote

2008-11-05T03:34:00.003-06:00

As soon as I wrote it down...BAM! I remembered where that quote came from. Only one of the best movies ever made, The Shawshank Redemption!

Red: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

I'm On Board!

2008-11-05T03:27:00.003-06:00

Okay, it wasn't perfect. But we got something. Hope. Which according to some movies is a dangerous thing. I'll agree. But we have to have it. I could not be more proud.

I need to pull it together. I just watched this for the third time and I've been balling like a bitch with a skinned knee. Seriously.

Hello Again, Is It Me You're Looking For?

2008-11-02T02:44:00.003-06:00

I posted one month ago exactly. I feel like I don't utilize this as much as I should.

Anyway, I have to write about some new theories I have discovered under the influence of a very special batch of scones.

I have deducted that humans are both a unique channel of energies, life revolves around water, and something else. Hmm...(insert obvious stoner joke).

First point. Humans, everyone, every thing is made up of atoms, correct? What are atoms but forms of energy? I think people would agree. In space there's nothing but atoms and molecules, etc. This energy is formed into the three-dimensional world. This is where we become physical things. It's a very concentrated version of energy. Tightly packed. And when we die. When our physical bodies switch off, that energy is released. Just poof. Back into the universe.

I think humans are unique in that they have their own energy, their own being. But then we're released out of this dimension. And what's out there is dimensionless. It's the conscience that's released. It's not here, but it's not not here. It's all knowledge and all being.

This channel of energy is streamed into the third-dimension. Just always going. I guess the closest thing we have a name for it is time. But it's a cold name for something so grand, so infinite. But this stream is always in motion. It's the flow of our energies.

It's this flow that gives us form in the physical. This physical energy is water. Which is my second point.

Water gives us what we are. What life needs. Humans are 80 percent water. The earth is 75 percent water. It's the life source of our physical universes. And what a great correlation between the earth and humans. Of course we're destroying our planet. We destroy ourselves. But I digress.

The other night I just felt that my body was traveling through space and time in waves. I felt the flow of life. It was scary, exhilarating, comforting and beautiful all in one.

Which gets me to my third discovery (told you I'd remember). The three dimensional energies we interact with fire, wind, water, earth are the physical manifestations of what the universe is like. Like our interaction with these elements is supposed to help us understand what the universe is like. Its made of all these brilliant energies, and our relationship with these elements is interaction of the energies within the universe.

I think I just need to retire from writing for now.

I Found My New Dream Man

2008-11-02T02:28:00.004-06:00

The photo makes me seem super shallow but look it. He's rockin' the shaved head. That bad-boy kind of white-thug look. I mean the bling on the ears. THEN Chuck Taylors!!! Ala alternative kids. Huge crush!

Okay, I'll admit that his body is sick. But regular human beings can rock the shaved head, ear bling and Chucks look. I'm pretty sure I've seen it happen.

Cool Photo Time

2008-11-02T02:09:00.003-06:00

It was the best of times...

2008-10-02T01:22:00.005-05:00

Then the other times just blow ass!

I'm writing at a point in my life where I'm at a crossroads of sorts. I officially have no place I am living. I can't make ends meet with my current job. But things are in motion. I know this. I believe this. I know what must be done and I've set forth to do those things. It's just time.

But I choose not to focus on that. I can't have it now. I have to be drug through the dirt a bit. Live life.

I'm just so grateful for the friends I have. They've been more than a blessing. I can't repay them for the kindness they've shown.

Thank you for the life I have, the person I am, and the challenges I face.

Take a Moment

2008-09-25T04:00:00.004-05:00

Stay focused, stay focused;

You have all the answers, the solutions;

Remember to breathe. Remember patience.

Be kind while running the path;

Keep focus, keep focus.

Why do I enjoy these?

2008-09-18T05:01:00.002-05:00

I irritate myself sometimes.

You Are 56% Interesting

You are a fairly interesting person. Many people find you to be intriguing.

You have a dynamic, adventurous life... a life that others envy.

You are genuinely interested in and open to the world.

You love making new friends, and you're always up for an unusual experience.

Like everyone else, you can get a bit boring from time to time. That's normal.

But unlike everyone else, you can pull yourself out of a rut. You don't stay boring for long.

Are You Boring or Interesting?

You Should Follow Unitarian Universalism

For you, religion is about asking questions. Questions that might never be answered.

In fact, you're more likely to consider yourself spiritual than religious.

You don't have any set beliefs, besides the belief that you should work to improve the world.

You are a true humanist who works for social justice and world peace.

What Religion Should You Be?

You Are Stalking

You tend to be very obsessive. Once you focus your attention on something or someone, it's all you think about.

You are also very secretive. People don't know much about the life that you lead.

You are attracted to weak people. You may want to prey on them, but you also may just want to help them.

You need attention, and you can get desperate if you aren't getting attention from the right person. You'll do about anything to get noticed.

What Felony Are You?

You Are Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt

You are also pretty picky about what you drink

Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do

Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bicardi all the way

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality.

You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex.

You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular.

Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).

Deep down you are: Dependable and modest

Your partying style: Understated and polite

Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

What Kind of Wine Are You?

American Teen

2008-09-15T15:34:00.004-05:00

American Teen is a documentary that follows a handful of teens in an averagge American town. Through the ten months of filming, filmmaker Nanette Burstein intimately captures portraits of the trials and tribulations of modern-day teens.

While touching, hilarious and heart-breaking at times, the film is also, at least for me and my relatively recent high school experience, nothing new. The movie follows the clichéd stereotypes: the jock, the nerd, the popular princess, the hunk, the "alternative girl" and breaks them.

As far as being a member of the audience, I came expecting what I got: a heartfelt story that shatters the one-dimensional facade of teenage life. Everyone knows that these people are more than the sum of their parts. Blah, blah, blah.

Yes, the movie's good. Yes, I'd recommend it to everyone. No, it breaks no new ground. Except the weird animated sequences that they have when the kids do voices overs, those are more creepy than anything else. ***A***

SNL is Back!

2008-09-15T15:17:00.001-05:00

And with a guest spot from our dear Tina Fey. Re-un-ited and it feels so gooood!

Creation of Energies

2008-08-31T04:43:00.004-05:00

When I'm around people now I feel that I can almost read their energies.

People have different amounts of space that they occupy; thereby, creating their energy.

And I feel that I can feel that energy. The different layers, levels and complexities to it. How beautiful and precious it is.

I just adore the people I encounter.

Or maybe I'm just stoned off my gourde? Hahaha.

By the by, this is the second image that appears on Google image search when you type in "life force". AHAhahahahahaha!!!!!!

Oh, Conventions!

2008-08-29T15:07:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I totally didn't watch this. I tried to start on Monday, but my attention span on controlled substances runs on empty. Here are some highlights.

Seriously, he gives me chills. He makes me tear-up. He makes me have faith in my country again. And that's like moving a mountain for me.

Here's Joe Biden's speech. I must admit I'm impressed. It's so fucking refreshing to hear two good orators after eight years of utter incompetence.

Love my girl Michelle. We tight. I think she's a heartfelt speaker. Not robotic and scripted, but puts conviction behind her words.

Pot Psychology

2008-08-24T23:19:00.004-05:00

I discovered this awesome web-column (?) on this website www.jezebel.com (which is linked from another website. Jesus. Fucking internet).

Anyway, soooo funny. And it doesn't hurt that Rich, the squinty gay, is cute to boot! Seriously. Fucking funny.

Why can't I do this for a living? Getting stoned and just recording myself saying funny things. I'm on board.

The Highest of Pot Psychology from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Filler Space

2008-08-24T23:02:00.002-05:00

You Are the Innovator

You're the type of person who is always a step ahead of everyone else.

You thrive when you're experimenting with new designs, ideas, and attitudes.

You are a creative person with many talents. You have to have artistic outlets in your life.

You need to create - whether it's writing furiously or redecorating your home. If not, your life becomes chaotic.

You tire of doing the same thing every day. You change your job, friends, and personal style often.

You are at your best when you have a focus. If not, you develop a flaky artist's temperament.

What Role Do You Play?

What Your Bed Says About You

Outward appearances are a concern of yours, but not your primary concern. You try to take care of yourself and your home, but it's not an obsession.

You are an organized and disciplined person. You do the right thing because you want to, not because people expect you to.

You are very high maintenance. You like everything a certain way, and you're grumpy if things aren't the way you like them.

In relationships, you tend to be quite dominant. You enjoy taking charge.

You tend to be a down to earth, practical person. You think in terms of what is actual.

You are a total homebody. You are happiest when you're at home.

What Does Your Bed Say About You?

You Are Iced Tea

You are very active and energetic. You enjoy keeping busy!

You can handle difficult tasks well. You do what needs to be done without a lot of fuss.

You are casual, welcoming, and unpretentious. You are approachable and friendly.

And while you are laid back, you aren't sloppy. You are poised and understated.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

What Your Driving Says About You

You are generally an easy going, laid back person. However, you can't help but feel a little jealous and competitive sometimes!

You are a fairly aware person, but you can't help but make judgment errors from time to time.

You'd like to think you're a fair person, but you occasionally think you deserve a special kind of justice.

You can be a rather tense, grouchy person - but you try to maintain your dignity.

You dislike authority and authority figures. You hate being told what to do. You hate being punished even more.

You are somewhat focused, but you are also a bit scatterbrained. Distractions can get you in trouble.

You are a very responsible and conscientious person. You often consider the feelings and needs of others.

Your ego is normally in check, but sometimes you get a bit egotistical. You tend to be a little self-important at times.

What Does Your Driving Say About You?

Get Excited!

2008-08-24T22:46:00.004-05:00

These new posters for Australia came out this past week. Awesome! "IIII can't wait, can't wait." I love Baz Luhrmann.

Pineapple Express

2008-08-17T13:02:00.004-05:00

What is to say but the fact that this is a great stoner movie! Fun, fun, funny!!! Go see it. ***A***

So Happy?

2008-08-16T03:29:00.005-05:00

Okay. I've been thinking about "being happy" recently and what that really means.

I think people around me have been observing my behavior and my actions and have been concerned if I'm happy or in-touch with my obligations. To this I must address my current conscience status.

I believe that I'm doing well. I'm currently in a spot where I'm both secure and be able to move on in a moments notice.

Back when I was more ego driven, I would always feel as though I couldn't play the game (of life). As though life were a chess game, I felt I couldn't play, but because I was overwhelmed with the pressure of playing, I was always worried how to make the next move.

Now I know that I can play, and that I've been playing, and that I will win.

Let me get back to my point.

When people ask "How's it going?" or "How are you"? I've never been able to give an accurate portrait of how I feel and I'm always stupefied to stop and think about it.

This all leads to the absorption of the current moment. A lot of people associate happiness to what they've accomplished, accumulated, amassed, etc. in their life, to their feelings about themselves. This leads to making feelings about yourself. (Feelings are made, not natural).

So, when you ask, "How are you"? I add my current "wealth" to what I associate as to being what's important. And what is important is what makes you happy, right?

What is important? Being in the moment. (My point. *ding* *ding* *ding*)

Rationally absorbing the emotions you experience from one given hour of the day to the next is important. I now recognize when I'm experiencing emotions, rather than giving myself over to my emotions.

This is a monumental break-through. It is freeing, while also making you feel guilty that others can't see yourself acting in a way that's best for you.

I know I'm fortunate enough to have vocal enough people in my life to raise their concern for me, and bring those concerns to me. This questioning of my status helps to reflect on my current reality and center myself. That is why there is meant to be more than one person on the planet, not to better the unit, but to better the individual. Thus bettering the whole.

These are all very big break-through's. Be impressed.

I just wrote a novel.

The Dark Knight

2008-08-03T16:25:00.008-05:00

Alright, I'll admit it, I've been slacking when it comes to writing this review. It's been a week since I've seen this film and words absolutely fail me.

I think the reason why the Batman franchise failed in the 90s was because it was taken out of the hands of its creator, Tim Burton, and took a 180 degree turn. Burton definitely was taking the character to the place where mass audiences could understand the character of Batman. Sadly, it was given to Joel Schumacher and began resembling the 1960s Batman television series, a comical, satirized version of a kids cartoon book.

But then came this new incarnation of Batman on screen by Christopher Nolan, and the audience is introduced to a much darker, and thus more relatable, character. This Batman took his guilt and pain from his parents death and made it his mission to destroy evil by becoming a symbol of something evil would fear.

The Dark Knight picks up where Batman Begins left off. But this time, Batman is a sensation in Gotham City. A hero who's imitated and feared. Until, that is, an opposing force rises to the occasion to challenge "The Batman".

Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker is untouchable and is something that should be seen. This was a great thinking actor who treated the character as real as you or I.

And this gets to my point about every actor in this franchise. I believe the filmmakers and the actors they have chosen have given great respect and attention to something that could have easily become a farce.

All actors have an understanding that these characters are humans, no superpowers, and are driven by different philosophies and motivations.

My hats off to Christian Bale and Gary Oldman for expanding upon characters very well-tuned into in the first film.

Kudos and praise to Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart, as Two-Face, for creating real characters with relatable drives.

Beautiful and well-crafted work of art. Rumors run rampant on the interweb that Johnny Depp is being sought after to play the Riddler in the next film. Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penquin. Perhaps Catwoman too? F*** YEAH! ***A***

I Can See Through Bullshit

2008-07-30T18:00:00.002-05:00

I love me some Barack-e-Poo, but home-boy came to rural, southern (not northern or eastern, or heaven forbid, central) Missouri. And in his speech Barack says, "Missourah."

I was livid. But then I thought about it. Barack knows. That hunk of black Panther knows it's "Missouri", he's just playing the game of politics. The game? Get voters who wouldn't normally vote for you to vote for you. How? By making them think you're one of them. "Look I'm just like you, 'Missourah!', I'm common as get-all!"

Oh, Barack-ie. You go get 'em!

We Are But Her Pawns!

2008-07-28T17:18:00.006-05:00

AHahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Today I was watching Oprah and Chris Brown was on doing some good deed she demanded and he performed on her show. Or should I say she performed for Oprah. Seriously, it was like watching a queen in her court, her subjects around her, with the jester jumping around doing something musical. And the funniest part was when she stretched out her arms and while clapping like a queen says, "Oh my I am so amused by these silly clowns." (Just imagine Oprah as a Victorian British woman.

Wow, I thought it was funny, but then again I have a British woman stuck in my head all day.

But seriously, we have made her our queen. Queen Oprah. People go ape-shizzle for her. Long live the Queen!

Here's the clip. You can barely notice it, but look closely at Oprah at the end of Chris Brown's performance. Warning: the video is janky.

A Love Letter!

2008-07-21T23:05:00.004-05:00

Dear Boys,

Yes, to boys. All men over 30 need not apply. Men under 21, grow up.

I love you. It's true. You who walk alone on the street. You who walk with your other bros down the street headed to drunkville. I. Love. You. Be not scared for it is I who begs on thy knees for thee.

I feel like Carrie Bradshaw when she had a dream where she walks up to complete strangers and kisses them.

I am this horny. I fear for the safety of our nation's men.

Sincerely,

The Insincere

Blogthings

2008-07-02T00:04:00.003-05:00

You Are Disco Dancing

You are very energetic and lively. You could dance all night.

Fun loving and social, you like dancing best when everyone in the room is dancing.

You love to dance to anything, and it's hard to stop once you start.

You love dancing in a crowd. And no matter how big the crowd, all eyes are usually on you.

What Dance Are You?

You Are a Pistachio

You are funky, freaky, and a total character.

You're very different than anyone you know.

There's no way you're changing the way you are...

Which is good, because no one wants you to change.

What Nut Are You?

You Are Bare Feet

You are a true free spirit, and you can't be tied down.

Even wearing shoes can be a little too constraining for you at times!

You are very comfortable in your own skin.

You are one of the most real people around. You don't have anything to hide.

Open and accepting, you are willing to discuss or entertain almost any topic.

You are a very tolerant person. You are accepting and not judgmental.

You should live: Somewhere warm

You should work: At your own business, where you can set the rules

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

You Are Disturbingly Profound

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense.

Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you.

Because you're so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people.

No one can really understand how you are on the inside... and that disturbs them.

Are You Disturbingly Profound or Profoundly Disturbing?

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 64%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is High

You are definitely a "people person." You enjoy spending time with others.

You instinctively understand people, and you are both a good counsellor and mediator.

However, there are definitely times when you've had enough. And that's when you cherish being alone.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

You Are Pretty Charming

While you're not a natural charmer, you can be charming when you want to be.

And lucky for those around you, you usually feel like turning on the charm.

You project a happy, calm image - even when you're feeling the exact opposite.

You make people feel great about being around you... though you're not always up for putting in the effort.

Are You Charming?

What the House Test Says About You

You consider yourself important, but no more important than anyone else. You love attention, but you don't feel like you deserve more of it than anyone else.

You aren't against being community oriented, but it's not really your thing. You tend to prefer to focus on your family and not the neighborhood around you.

You are a social, friendly, and giving person. You like to bring people together and make them feel happy.

You look attractive, but mostly because your rely on your natural good looks to get by.

You are moved by the most simple of things. You can find pleasure from a small, perfect moment.

The House Test

You Are a Vanilla Shake

Vanilla, yes, but definitely not boring.

You are subtly complex and deeply sophisticated.

You're the type of person who has always been ahead of their time.

You don't fall for gimmicks or tricks. You are drawn to what's true.

What Flavor Shake Are You?

What Jonathan Means

J is for Juicy

O is for Old

N is for Normal

A is for Artistic

T is for Terrific

H is for Heavenly

A is for Articulate

N is for Nice

What Does Your Name Mean?

I Said Goddamn!

2008-06-23T23:55:00.004-05:00

Once again, Josh Wald. He'll always be my 2,398th love.

Viva La Vida

2008-06-20T14:15:00.008-05:00

I don't see what all the fuckin' fussin's for? Coldplay, the most feared and hated bands in the world, due to their success, might actually possess talent. Is this why people are afraid of them? Haha. I think it is.

On their fourth, and yes, best album, Viva La Vida, Coldplay churn out a album, not an record. Remember records? Yeah, me neither. But unlike filler albums of recent memory, all the songs on this album fit in their proper place.

The album is just that, a whole album. It tells a story like albums used to. It begins in "Life in Technicolor", the prelude that announces this will be a musical journey. The band accompanied by an orchestra are released from behind Chris Martin's possessed voice. His is a flow through the sound-scape in the background.

The album's songs are but chapters in a thematic book, unlike the many "filler" songs of X&Y. It interludes with much grace, like in "Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love" and switches themes altogether in songs like "42" and "Yes".

Musically the band has grown by leaps and bounds. On Viva the band is more of a presence. Guitarist Jonny Buckland is released and commands the air in which the music floats into. Many of the songs were recorded in churches and places where the sound can expand and echo, a trick Coldplay knows a thing of two about.

The album also features many points where the band is singing together, trading their sound-enveloping musical instruments for their own voices that get lost in the heavens. The album postludes in "Death and All of His Friends" just as how in begins, a sweeping instrumental, this time joined by Martin as he and his band members bid us a due.

Is this mass transition credited to Brian Eno, a producer who has worked with U2? Or is Eno a means to an end for a band that wants to grow creatively? The haters will give it completely to Eno. Can't win them all.

Truly a great album from a great band. Get over it haters. I want it on vinyl because I know it will sound perfect.

Garlic Orange Chicken

2008-06-08T12:35:00.004-05:00

That's right. I made this shit! The idea as to how to make some really great Chinese chicken came to me why I was sitting brainless at my computer at work a couple of months ago. I'm pretty sure I've mastered whatever they make in Chinese restaurants.

It Never Occured to Me...

2008-06-08T12:28:00.005-05:00

...how strange I am. I have nicknames for all my animals.

I call McCoy, McCoy Boy

I call Lucy, Lucy Cat

and finally I call Nala, Nally Pants

I have no idea why I find it necessary to do this. I am ate up. Eh.

I am in Love!

2008-06-06T01:13:00.003-05:00

A big congratulations goes out to my home-boy Barack Obama. On Tuesday, June 3, 2008, in St. Paul, Mn., he took center stage as the official Democratic candidate for president. I'm so excited.

In much cooler news...when Michelle Obama introduced her husband, she greeted him to the nation with a fist pound. It was too cute. Have I mentioned how in-love with them I am? I wonder if they could adopt me.

"The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon; no one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone." ~ Samantha Jones, Sex and the City

Sex and the City

2008-06-01T14:39:00.007-05:00

Well, my absence from blogging has brought me back for my favorite season...summer movie season. Why I haven't seen Iron Man or Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull yet is beyond me. Those will be reviewed later. Sex and the City though was a must see for me.

I've come to the conclusion that being a fan of the series, and a movie goer, has both helped and hindered my enjoyment of this movie.

The audience joins Carrie and Co. right were those of us who followed the series left off (and expected)...Carrie is enjoying her flowering carrier as a writer, now with three published books, and her love life with Big (now with a "big" full name, John James Preston); Miranda is continuing her struggle to balance professional and personal life; Charlotte is enjoying family life with husband Harry (Evan Handler) and adopted daughter Lily; and finally Samantha has moved her business and boyfriend Smith (Jason Lewis) to L.A. to continue growing Smith's blossoming acting career at the sacrifice of Samantha's professional and personal life in New York.

My only grievance, which has yet to be determined as minor or major, with the movie is the significance of the movie. Yes, it's fun to watch the movie and its over-stylized decadence. But was it necessary to dust these characters off to live through that which fans of the show should already have known these characters to encounter?

The truth is, yes, I expected Big and Carrie to toy with the idea of marriage. I expected Miranda to seclude herself in her work, thus making a strain on her marriage. I expected Charlotte to continue blissfully growing her family. I expected for Samantha to struggle with her independence while in a relationship with Smith. Carrie and Charlotte's respective gays, Stanford (Willie Garson) and Anthony (Mario Cantone) are reduced to minor cameos while leaving the audience curious as to if they are in a relationship or not. Didn't they hate each other on the show?

The reason why the movie fails with substance is because the series was so well written, so well fleshed-out for the audience, that the movie really didn't need to happen for the audience to know what occurs in the lives of their fictional four best friends. I don't believe the movie was made solely to make money, but for the genuine love of the characters and to re-visit that world.

Okay, now I'm stepping down from my soapbox and will just bask in the delicious excesses of glamorama. The fans of the show will enjoy references to the show. Watch for series cameos like Carrie's infamous tutu, muskrat coat and rotary phone.

The stories of the four ladies are enjoyable to watch. Look for heartfelt performances from Sarah Jessica Parker after Carrie and Big's (Chris Noth) wedding fails to come to fruition. Miranada's (Cynthia Nixon) storyline is heartbreaking as she struggles to put aside her pride and save her marriage to Steve (David Eigenberg). And finally Kim Cattrall is great as the sexually and professionally frustrated Samantha. The audience really feels her dissatisfaction at playing second fiddle to a caring man, but longing to be the star in one's own life. Cattrall hints at that great acting intuition she got to show on the series in a moment when she realizes why she really is staying with Smith. Unfortunately there's nothing really new to tell for Charlotte (Kristin Davis) but reaffirm her loyalty to her friends. Watch for Davis shine when she confronts Mr. Big at the wedding and at a restaurant a year later.

Look for strong performances from Eigenberg and Noth (who knew Big could show such affection for Carrie? Isn't that one thing she wanted from the start?). Also look for a forgettable and unnecessary performance from Jennifer Hudson as Louise from St. Louis, big-up to STL!

While it wasn't a complete waste, it really wasn't necessary, which is what I've been saying ever since the movie was talked about since the show ended in 2004. Sometimes you have to let sleeping dogs lie. ***B***

A Change In Me

2008-05-09T22:56:00.007-05:00

You come to me after minutes, hours, months and years.

You come to tell me that it is I who has changed.

"You've changed," you say as if that were something wrong.

"Maybe," I say.

"You're not the person I once knew."

But who is that person but a perception of your own view?

"We are but the dust of stars' thoughts. And knowing one's self is purely of selfish costs."

"We all should know who we are."

Really? Then what is left of this journey after stars?

"We should never stop asking who we are. For after this beauty of body decades, what is left is made of eternal shades."

"I don't understand," you say.

Then perhaps it is you who has been imprisoned by your own chains.

Monday Male

2008-04-14T18:09:00.003-05:00

Uh...I found him somewhere online. Heeeello cute. I can't resist a guy with a shaved head. Not many could pull it off my friends. Not many at all.

Right Now is a Great Day!

2008-04-14T17:44:00.008-05:00

That heavy hustler Harpo (aka Oprah) for her book selections. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle is such a fascinating read. Not only is it interesting but it helps you attain Consciousness! AH!

I haven't been keeping up with Oprah and her show to join in on their class online, but I read in little segments (thank God it has many breaks in each chapter to do so) and then I reflect on what I've read. I totally meditate! Cool.

I was excited all day to go walking with Nala after work and the walk was so amazing. I put my iPod on, got the leash, and we were off. I got so lost meditating in the moment.

It was a great time to time-out being in the moment. It wasn't I, but my Being. Being with Nala, being in the Sun, being among the colors of every plant and branch and tree, being each step I take. It was so great.

I'm really happy. Well, I guess, I'm not happy, but I'm all these emotions. It's true, too. I feel neither sad or depressed; nor, do I feel gay and jubilant. I'm just aware of all these emotions I experience all day. It's like being above your emotions, kind of like how people who almost die feel an out-of-body experience. I initially thought that it would be like censoring your emotions and being sort of zombie like, but it's so freeing and beautiful to look at your mind and emotions. It's beautiful. This body. These emotions. This Earth. This life. AH. C'est magnifique!

The life and tragedy of a blossoming country queen's monarchy

2008-03-30T21:52:00.009-05:00

Very seldom do the twinkling lights of stardom spotlight on someone. Those who don't fade under the glitz and glamor are a testament to fighting through the hurdles of stardom while remaining true to their vision.

Those who fade are usually forgotten. Aberdene Williams is one of those faded lights.

Williams was a little known country singer who, upon hitting the Nashville circuit, carved out her name in blazing lights. Lights that would burn brighter and faster than recorded remembrance in country music.

Aber as she was called to a few, came to country music's capitol, Nashville, TN in June of 1957 at the urging of Carl Smith who had discovered Williams on the amateur circuit. Many in country music speculate that Smith and the 17 year-old Williams had an affair during Smith's divorce to June Carter and before his marriage to fellow country singer Goldie Hill.

Smith never commented on his relationship with Williams, only commenting once at an awards show that she's the "fire that will spark a new Nashville."

Indeed her debut album, 1958's Blonde Cowgirl, was an ambitious project that combined classic country bass rifts with honky-talk sass. The album reached number three on the country music charts and her third record from the album, "The Dirt Isn't On Your Shoes", reached number forty-seven on the pop charts.

Williams spent the next three years on tour running the festival circuits.

"She inspired so many of us girls," fellow country singer and former roommate Dolly Parton said. "It was wonderful to see a girl out there giving lip back to those boys in the audience."

It was while performing for those "boys in the audience" at Pearl Harbor in 1961 that Williams met hot country bad-boy, Elvis Presley.

"Oh, how she fell for Elvis," Vivian Page, a noted country historian said. "All of Nashville was abuzz when she would visit him on the set of Girls! Girls! Girls! in 1961."

Sight and Sound magazine published two stories in 1962 documenting their stay in Hawaii. The then 27 year-old Elvis supposedly asked the 22 year-old Williams to move in with him. Reluctantly, she declined Elvis' invitation reportedly telling Parton he was "too distracted with his rising star". Many country music devotees view her 1963 song, "You Knew I'd Say No", as a kiss-off letter to Elvis.

"Listen to those lyrics," Page said. "'I couldn't fit in our house by the blue/ The bed would be too small for your ego, me and you'. Those are powerful, painful lyrics. She's crying out for her man to change."

After about a year-long break from the spotlight, Williams returned to Nashville in 1964 with a rejuvenated outlook to her career and a new roommate she met through a representative at Monument Records, Dolly Parton.

Parton, 19, and Williams, 24, became fast friends and spent the next year writing out songs for their respective albums.

"She was incredibly nervous for her follow-up album," Parton said. "She had almost been in Nashville for ten years, had a successful debut, a torrid love affair with a blazing star and all of this before twenty-five? She was petrified of coming up with something to bring her back to an artistic harmony."

For Williams, 1966 will be her year of triumph. After Parton married Carl Dean in May of 1966, Williams found herself without a roommate and without a record label. Luckily, the Man in Black found her. After hearing an early recording of Williams' second album, tentatively titled, Empty Houses Mend Broken Hearts, Johnny Cash invited her to meet with Columbia label executives.

Many speculate that it was Cash's finding of Williams as to the reason why Cash wasn't dropped from Columbia during this period. A year earlier in 1965 he was arrested in Starkville, MS, for trespassing and by that time he was heavily into drugs.

Execs at Columbia were excited at what they heard on Empty Houses and wanted more hits. They introduced Williams to country hit maker Hank Oakley.

In August 1966, Williams and Oakley got to work on Empty House's re-recording sessions. After two months of creative brain-storming, the two settled on eight new tracks and a new title, Hearts Burn in Texas.

Execs at Columbia and producer Oakley were excited about Hearts and knew Williams would become a star. Oakley reportedly told record executives that it would reach gold status by January 1967. Oakley was right.

Williams' second album debuted in November 1966 and went number one on the country charts in its first week and number thirteen on the pop charts. Williams was a bona-fide star.

Her first record from the album, "Hitchin' Post", went gold in January 1967. In February, during her Burning Hearts tour, Williams and her label were shocked when the album came up empty during awards season.

"She told me that she thought everyone in the industry would have heard the magic that her and Oakley created on that album," Parton said. "But she took it in stride. She knew those people were money hungry cattle drivers."

Williams reportedly never got over that year's award season snub and never attended the ceremonies of any of the shows she was invited to.

1967 also found Williams and former roommate Parton in direct competition with each other. Parton's "Dumb Blond" reached No. 24 on the country charts that year, while Williams' "Hitchin' Post" was No. 1, "Man in the West" went No. 13, and "At the Alter" went to No. 24 on the country charts.

After spending the last half of 1967 on tour, Williams returned to Nashville to begin work on her third album. Hoping to rekindle her collaboration with Oakley. After discussing a deal with Columbia, record execs told her not to use Oakley on her next project. Crushed, Williams retreated to her childhood home in Texarkana, AR.

It was while on sabbatical in 1968 that Williams received a call from the Dick Cavett Show. It was that show were she met rock's then leading lady, Janis Joplin.

Williams met fellow tragic icon Joplin while performing with band Big Brother during their rehearsals on the Cavett show.

"Williams sat in on those rehearsals while waiting to rehearse for her own performance the following day," Page said. "She wrote in her journal that what she heard was 'shocking and powerful'. She described Joplin's voice as 'earth-shattering and heart-breaking. She was moved and in 'awe' of Joplin's presence."

Williams and Joplin met later that week for dinner, beginning what many country historians consider to be Williams' downward turn.

"Joplin and Williams had dinner and hit it off right away," Page said. "They discussed what it was like to be a woman in the recording industry and their constant frustration with wanting creative control."

Indeed Williams and Joplin were struggling to maintain their own image. Williams, after feeling forced out of choosing her creative path, was bitter towards record execs at Columbia. Joplin, growing more popular after the release of Cheap Thrills, wanted a split from Big Brother.

"It was after this meeting that rumors and speculation begin to take over," Page said. "Rumors began that the two were meeting nightly at bars in San Francisco and there the two would just get completely obliterated."

Some also speculate as to how close the pair got exactly.

"What historians know from this union is that the two drank a vast amount of alcohol and experimented with lots of drugs," Page said. "A lot of groupies from that time recall seeing the two having sex together and with many others."

When asked about Williams' relationship with Joplin, Parton remains mum.

"I didn't really talk to her during those days," Parton said. "I knew she was lost and I prayed for her. She was unhappy and she wouldn't let anyone near her. I tried, but I think she was resentful that I was being embraced by these country big-wigs and she wasn't."

It was in 1971 that Parton's "Coat of Many Colors" hit No. 4 on the country charts while Williams' latest record, "My Man's On the Porch" only reached No. 47 a year and a half earlier.

With "My Man", Williams began to embrace Joplin's blues influence, experimenting with electric guitars in her songs.

"This new experimental sound didn't sit well with country audiences," Page said. "She was absolutely shunned from the country music industry."

In late August and early September 1970 Joplin began seeing Seth Morgan, a 21 year-old Berkeley student and cocaine dealer.

"I think Williams felt very put out to dry by Joplin," Page said. "Joplin was so messed up on heroin and shifted her focus to the Pearl album, that she never found her way out of that life. I think she fell for Joplin and she turned to those drugs."

Williams began to drink heavily after the pairs fall-out in the summer of 1970. It was then when she started to use heroin.

"She wrote how she hated it when Janis would use," Page said. "But she turned that drug into her love letter to Joplin. In some twisted way she thought that she could win Joplin back by opening Joplin's world into her own."

By the end of 1970, Williams went on binges that lasted for weeks. Record execs at Columbia, fearing for her life, confronted the former country chanteuse.

"They offered her medical treatment and studio time," Page said. "She was really taken aback by the offer and eventually told those fellows to 'beat it'."

Reportedly during the intervention, Williams was so beligerant that she spit in an exec's face and told them to "fuck off".

Early in 1971, Williams met with band Fleetwood Mac shortly after their Kiln House release. Williams hoped to join the group, but her hopes were dashed when the band offered Christine McVie a membership in the band for their album Future Games.

"That was the straw. The final straw," Page said. "Janis had died in October of '70, she couldn't find her footing anywhere in the industry. She wanted a new sound and couldn't find that either. Her end was speeding ahead and I think everyone who encountered her knew it as well."

When asked about Williams' possible involvement with the band, Mick Fleetwood told a reporter that Williams knew her sound appealed to the band, but her sound wasn't the direction they wanted to go in order to achieve crossover success.

Depressed, Williams wrote in her journal in the spring of 1971 that she had been going on week-long heroin induced binges.

"I saw Janis today," Williams writes in an April 3, 1971 entry. "I think she's here to welcome me."

Williams never set foot in a studio after her meeting with Fleetwood Mac in 1971. Finally, Williams succumbed to her heroin addiction in June 4 1971. An overdose claimed the once budding starlet of honk-talk country. Nine months to the day that Janis Joplin died of an overdose to heroin.

But for those who remember Williams and her nightingale voice, her tragic and untimely death at 31 is not the memory they have of her.

"Aberdene Williams was the life-shine of the Nashville country circuit," George Waitt, a long-time fan of Williams since his childhood said. "My pa would put on Hearts Burn in Texas and that voice would just trap you in her heartache and her yearning. Despite every story there is of her, she made her mark. She touched lives. She accomplished what she was supposed to in this life."

I Love This Song!

2008-03-21T00:59:00.003-05:00

Okay, okay, I admit that I heard it on the MacBook Air commercial, but it makes me smile. The artist(s)? is Yael Naim. I just saw her on Conan O'Brien tonight too.

Easter Treat

2008-03-19T00:14:00.002-05:00

I have not blogged in quite some time. I've been busy as shit.

My Celebrity "Look-alikes"

2008-03-19T00:03:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I don't think I look like Johnny Depp or any of these cats. But oh well, I'm not the expert.

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

Catchphrase

2008-03-03T00:21:00.001-06:00

I'll take my rainbow with extra cloud sauce!

A Fetish of Mine?

2008-02-28T11:32:00.004-06:00

Okay, I had this photo originally up on my post on Monday, but I took it down and replaced it because it featured one of the things that drives me absolutely crazy regarding men. Crazy in the good sense of course.

I love, love, LOVE when guys wear tennis shoes and I can see their ankles. Either they wear below ankle socks or no socks at all. I love it. It revs my engine. What is this? It's not so much the shoe, but the ankle. How f*ing weird. And a naked guy with tennis shoes on...forget about it!

Office Space

2008-02-28T10:59:00.005-06:00

I'm amazed at the jobs that I get sometimes. Take this job at the Missouri Department of Revenue for instance.

I have never worked in a place that was so...skeeza. Let's look at some facts about these people.

I have never before worked with so many people that have been beaten with the ugly stick. It's mean to say but true. Have I just been too spoiled by working in Columbia? I know the age ranges are a little disproportionate, but still, the accumulation of fugly is "wowing".

And the way they dress does not improve their disposition. When did business casual become hooded sweatshirts and white socks worn with dark shoes. Can you say fashion faux pas?

Not only is there the age, attractive and fashion factors, but the individuals themselves.

Does the overweight woman need to be smoking on breaks if she has to take an inhaler with her?

Does the porker girl with bad bleach blond hair need to wear so much eyeliner that she looks like a raccoon?

There's the old man who wears his khakis hiked up over his belly and makes weird noises at the urinal when he goes pee at every break.

Do people need to constantly laugh and talk about inappropriate things like artificial insemination? Also the use of curse words is very unprofessional. My supervisor used "shit" three times on Monday. Classy.

Well, at least they're happy.

Goddamn I'm Grood!

2008-02-25T17:30:00.008-06:00

I mean good and great. Great and good.

Okay, I didn't get Achievement in Editing (stupid Bourne Ultimatum) and Best Animated Feature (stupid Disney/Pixar). But really. I'm good.

Vanity Fair's Hollywood Issue

2008-02-24T00:52:00.002-06:00

If you don't normally get Vanity Fair's annual Hollywood issue, this year you should. Their annual photo spread's theme this year is reenactments of Alfred Hitchcock films. It's awesome. Take a peek.

Oscar Picks

2008-02-23T22:20:00.001-06:00

Well, I'm no expert, but here are my picks. Granted I haven't seen the majority of the movies, but I read and know my shit.

Best Picture
No Country for Old Men

Simply one of the best films I've seen all year. It has everything: suspense, humor, great acting, great editing, great cinematography.

Best Director
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men

These two deserve the press and accolades for this movie. Plus, they've been making movies for a long time and haven't got any Oscar gold for best picture.

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood

His name alone deserves an award.

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose

I'm hoping for an upset here. Julie Christie is supposed to win apparently. But I've seen Cotillard act before and if what I've heard is true, she's the one deserving to win.

Best Supporting Actor
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men

If you've seen this movie, you know he's one scary mo-fo.

Best Supporting Actress
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

I haven't seen this movie, but I hear she's the frigid bitch to beat.

Best Original Screenplay
Diablo Cody, Juno

This movie deserves a win and why not give it to the woman who wrote the best heart-felt movie of the year?

Best Adapted Screenplay
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men

Again. Give it to 'em.

Best Foreign Language Film
The Counterfeiters, Austria

Yeah I don't know. This is Entertainment Weekly's pick, so, when in Rome.

Best Animated Film
Persepolis

I hope Disney/Pixar's bastard-child movie doesn't win. And I hear this movie is great.

Best Cinematography
Robert Elswit, There Will Be Blood

Yeah, the film looks beautiful.

Best Film Editing
Robert Jaynes, No Country for Old Men

So, apparently the Coen brothers edited their film, but edited under an alias. These two are weird.

Well, we'll find out tomorrow night how right I am.

Victoria's Secret Feud

2008-02-21T20:53:00.006-06:00

It occured to me the other day while watching Project Runway that Heidi Klum is the white people's Tyra Banks. I know, I know, white people don't need their own version of Tyra (she's good all by herself). They must have a little rivalry. I'm not saying they have a big feud going on, but they do have many things in common that could lead to some tension. Let's take a look...

Both are former Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover models.

Both are former Victoria's Secret icons.

Both have their own fashion-runway shows.

Both are missing a few screws.

Both say outrageously stupid things on their shows but are hilarious non-the-less.

Both aren't shy of gaining a few pounds (granted Heidi gained her weight from being preggers for the past five years because of all the Seal sex). Oops.

There are striking differences however...

Heidi's show focuses on actual talent that has to produce something.

Heidi's fellow judges offer constructive criticisms and hold real authority in the world of fashion. Nigel is very delicious though.

...and call me crazy...but I think Tyra gets off being a beyotch to the girls who want to be models.

And besides...Heidi's German. Shouldn't she win by defalt? Hahaha. I'm totally joking.

True

2008-02-17T22:34:00.003-06:00

You Are a Soy Latte

At your best, you are: free spirited, down to earth, and relaxed

At your worst, you are: dogmatic and picky

You drink coffee when: you need a pick me up, and green tea isn't cutting it

Your caffeine addiction level: medium

You Are a Question Mark

You seek knowledge and insight in every form possible. You love learning.

And while you know a lot, you don't act like a know it all. You're open to learning you're wrong.

You ask a lot of questions, collect a lot of data, and always dig deep to find out more.

You're naturally curious and inquisitive. You jump to ask a question when the opportunity arises.

Your friends see you as interesting, insightful, and thought provoking.

(But they're not always up for the intense inquisitions that you love!)

You excel in: Higher education

You get along best with: The Comma

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

You are a Hippie

You are a total hippie. While you may not wear birks or smell of incense, you have the soul of a hippie.

You don't trust authority, and you do as you please. You're willing to take a stand, even when what you believe isn't popular.

You like to experiment with ideas, lifestyles, and different subcultures.

You always gravitate toward what's radical and subversive. Normal, mainstream culture doesn't really resonate with you.

Are You a Hippie?

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

You Are Very Sexy

Damn! You are one hot number. You have a lot of sex appeal.

You know you're sexy, and you're not afraid to put it all out there.

And while you're very appealing, you're careful not to be trashy or over the top.

Sexy is all about attitude. And you totally have the attitude that people love.

How You Are Sexy

You keep your body fit and healthy, and that's hot. Plus, sweating is also sexy!

You feel gorgeous, and you always try to look your best. You make the best of what you've got. Totally sexy!

You are open to all sorts of experiences, and you have a taste for the exotic. Your adventurous spirit is very sexy.

Your modern look is sexy. You don't give people too much of the same old thing. You like to change it up.

Are You Sexy?

A Trama Recall

2008-02-12T01:59:00.001-06:00

This past weekend we were all sitting around at Amanda's and just drinking and shooting the shit. As with most friends, stories from shenanigans past were divulged.

Somehow we got on the topic of animals and the disgusting habits that seem to come so naturally to them. Jordan reminded me of the time we saw these two white toy poodle, fluffy pieces of shit when driving on Rock Quarry Road when I lived in Columbia.

Jordan and I were driving north on Rock Quarry and along the road between Old Nifong and Grindstone is a trailer park. There are also some straggler trailers at the corner of Rock Quarry and Grindstone.

Well, we head to the light at Grindstone and Rock Quarry and these two nasty toy poodles are in the middle of the road. I stop as to not hit them. It wasn't so much that they were in the street that bothered me, but the shear fact that their white faces were soiled with blood and guts from a carcass that was on the side of the road. The dogs proceeded to go to the carcass and rub and roll in its remains.

I'm pretty sure all I wanted to do was run over those nasty fuckers. All other animals in the world, one. Dogs, zero. It was truly one of the most horrific and horrid things I've seen in quite some time.

The Landlord

2008-02-09T22:09:00.003-06:00

Just because it's hilarious.

A few of my favorite...episodes!

2008-01-31T14:44:00.001-06:00

I don't know why but I wanted to write down my top ten favorite Sex and the City episodes.

"Ex and the City"
Season Two, Episode 30
Written by: Michael Patrick King

"Hot Child in the City"
Season Three, Episode 45
Written by: Allan Heinberg

"My Motherboard, My Self"
Season Four, Episode 56
Written by: Julie Rottenberg & Elisa Zuritsky

"Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda"
Season Four, Episode 59
Written by: Jenny Bicks

"The Good Fight"
Season Four, Episode 61
Written by: Michael Patrick King

"Change of a Dress"
Season Four, Episode 63
Written by: Julie Rottenberg & Elisa Zuritsky

"I Heart NY"
Season Four, Episode 66
Written by: Michael Patrick King

"A Woman's Right to Shoes"
Season Six, Episode 83
Written by: Jenny Bicks

"Splat!"
Season Six, Episode 92
Written by: Jenny Bicks & Cindy Chupack

"An American Girl in Paris (Part Une and Deux)"
Season Six, Episodes 93 & 94
Written by: Michael Patrick King

Wow, I guess I like the same four writers in the series. Haha. These are some of, if not, the best episodes that feature some of the best acting. I should be so lucky to write a piece of drama half as good as these.

Juno

2008-01-28T01:07:00.001-06:00

Okay, I have been on a movie binge. But when you have no money and your mom doesn't want to give you drinking money, she'll pay for some moving picture entertainment.

Juno stars Ellen Page as Juno MacGuff. A wise cracking, know-it-all 16 year-old who accidentally becomes pregnant. After searching through her options, Juno decides to have the baby and give it up for adoption to thirty-something couple, Vanessa and Mark (Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman).

But that's just the beginning. The audience follows Juno through her pregnancy and her struggle to figure out what she wants and who she is while going through one of the most challenging experiences of her life. She searches for love in Paulie (Michael Cera), the boy who impregnated her and whom no one thinks of as capable of filling in his own space.

J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney shine as Juno's supportive dad and step-mom.

The movie is filled with sharp, witty dialogue which is sometimes difficult to believe as realistic coming from a character in high school. In addition to the dialogue, the situations, people and places the movie takes the audience are a delight. This is a movie that really tugs at the heart! ***A***

No Country for Old Men

2008-01-25T00:05:00.000-06:00

Oh, the critics. Oh how they love to tell the public which movies are the best. And sometimes, they're right. But man do I wish they were wrong.

Yes, No Country for Old Men is arguably one of, if not the, best movie of 2007. Unfortunately, the public has to wait until the wee early months of the following year to see these cinematic cornerstones.

Brothers Joel and Ethan Coen of Fargo, The Big Lebowski, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, The Man Who Wasn't There, Blood Simple (trust me, you've seen one of their films), adapt this novel turned grab-the-arms-of-your-chair thriller. And really, it thrills. And shakes, and makes you jump in your seat. Trust me. As someone who never budges during a scary movie, this one made me pop back more than once.

The story centers around three men. Llewelyn, a fierce Josh Brolin (where's he been?), stumbles upon the ruins of a drug deal gone slaughterhouse while out hunting. And in Coen brothers fashion, what does he find? Money. A couple of million to be exact. And in the bed of the truck? The heroin that started it all. Javier Bardem plays the lunatic-psycho sent to hunt Llewelyn down and get the money back. His drive is of madness with no mercy. Just the look in his eyes sends fear down your spine. Tommy Lee Jones plays Sheriff Bell, an aging police man who is becoming increasingly disenfranchised with the changing pace and values of 1980's culture. He investigates the crime.

The movie is a cat and mouse game between Brolin and Bardem's characters as Jones' sheriff is a step behind but with his experience, he knows how the game will end.

The film talks of the changes in society. Why place high priority on things that could potentially be deadly to us and what are our motivations behind them?

The conversation that closes the movie, a dialogue between Jones' Bell and Barry Corbin's Ellis, is probably the most prophetic. The two discuss the demise of our society and the old man's ambition to return to a less complicated time. But Ellis reminds Bell, and the audience, that such a digression would be selfish.

Hmm...perhaps there is no place for the old because the current generation leaves them behind? ***A***

Margot at the Wedding

2008-01-15T21:53:00.000-06:00

I am a late bloomer to Noah Baumbach's work. Though I've read of his brillance with the now Criterion Collection gem Kicking and Screaming and the unstoppable tour de force of The Squid and the Whale, this is my first Baumbach experience and I couldn't have been more pleased.

Baumbach, from my understanding, writes from a privileged perspective. His characters are yuppies with depression issues and phobias birthed by their own insecurities.

Margot, played with stunning ferocity by Nicole Kidman, begins the film by describing her relationship with her younger sister to her son. They're on their way to Pauline's (Jennifer Jason Leigh and Baumbach's real-life wife) for her weekend wedding to regular Joe, Malcolm (Jack Black). Let's just say Margot does not approve.

In fact, Margot with her scrupulous magnifying glass, doesn't approve of a lot when it comes to the people around her and she, like an unhappy, unhealthy person, picks. She picks at others, and in-turn, picks at herself. Kidman couldn't be any better.

Leigh and Black have charm and charisma as the feisty couple that have unresolved issues with each other that are highlighted and heightened when Margot visits.

The film itself is a great study at the motivations behind our words and actions. Its sharp honesty and surprising heart are welcomed in the days of popcorn humor and fraternal libidos. Both heartfelt and heartbreaking, much like the love from the ones who know us best, family. ***A***

Eh, 2008

2008-01-12T02:56:00.000-06:00

I must first apologize to myself for not writing in so long. I've been through a major funk. Yes, a depression. I've just been so discouraged by being fired and not finding something right away. I felt inspired at first and thought it would come easy. That was my thinking, "Maybe now that I'm free from the Humane Society I can now pick up a higher paying job that I deserve."

But it is not that easy. It's months of hard work to find a job. That fact alone got me so discouraged. I know I need to find something fast and I don't have a problem looking in the service industry.

Okay, 2008 and I'm out of it and ready. That's step one. I'm in it and ready.

Lately my anxiety has been getting to me by not having money coming in. I've been remembering my dreams lately and I always remember them when I'm under distress, unrest.

I remember having a dream where I had leeches on my ass after swimming in a pond. I remember having to take them off. They left red patches on my flesh.

Another dream I had involved me blowing my nose. When I took the tissue back it was covered in blood and at the bottom left-hand corner in blood was the anarchy sign. Hahaha. It was a little scary.

Oh, dreams. They're made of these.

The Year in 2007

2007-12-31T22:31:00.000-06:00

So, the reviews are in and 2007 sucked.

Let's see, I started off pretty up-in-the-air after having graduated.

I started working at Target in February, which turned out to be not so bad. Cool people. I got a cool friend out of it. I met a new headcase that I spent more time thinking about than I'd like to admit. Red and khaki is just obnoxious when you think about it.

I then turned my attention to the Humane Society, aka Satan's Playhouse of Terror and Soul-sucking. I really think that job has been the most damaging thing I've ever done thus far. Key word being: thus far.

Now it's nowhere fast. I've been plagued by lack of motivation and lack of enthusiasm. Everyone can see I'm unhappy. I can no longer pretend to enjoy people's company. I'm discouraged because I don't have a job and even more so because I don't have money to pay my debts, let alone enjoy myself out on a night on the town with my friends.

At least 2007 was my year. I mean, I really did a lot and went through a lot without much distraction from others.

These little hurts will heal.

Okay, top five movies:

1. Across the Universe

2. Grindhouse

3. The Darjeeling Limited

4. Knocked Up

5. Hot Fuzz

Top five albums:

1. M.I.A. - Kala

2. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

3. Rilo Kiley - Under the Blacklight

4. Timbaland - Timbaland Presents Shock Value

5. Across the Universe Soundtrack

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

2007-12-31T21:14:00.000-06:00

Ah, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton. How many of your pairings will give pop-culture it's most treasured cinematic gems?

Well, maybe not most of them. And probably not this one, but still, this dark and devilish musical about a barber who returns from exile to get his revenge on the man who done him wrong is wickedly fun.

Unlike the more family friendly collaborations Edward Scissorhands or Corpse Bride, this is Burton and Depp at their darkest and most satirical.

Sweeny Todd, or Benjamin Barker as he was known before Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) sent him to an Australian prison because he lusted after his wife. Now Todd is back, renting a shop from twisted sister Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), and is ready to exact his revenge. And does he? Let's just say that the blood, in its exquisite exaggerated red, spill all over the screen. So delicious.

Carter, Burton's real-life love, is despicable and delectable as the somewhat manipulative Mrs. Lovett who cooks the worst meat pies in all London.

The dynamic between Depp and Carter is great fun and the two characters' collaborations in murder feed each others need to exact their revenge on a world that has forgotten them.

The music and singing are good. Depp shows his great range, yet again, with his singing ability. Carter is quiet and mousy, but respectable. The only problem with the singing is the difficulty of making out what they say through their thick British accents. Look for a scene stealing Sacha Baron Cohen as a rival barber.

The look is classic Burton; dark, exaggerated and stylistic. The fun is in the killing, if you can stomach the red paint used for blood. ***B***

Decisions, decisions

2007-12-23T23:01:00.000-06:00

So, I have zero percent clue where to make my next move.

I feel like there's this sign from the universe when Jordan came back. And she's going back to Cali. I know I don't have money to move there, but I don't know if I can handle staying back here for another six months.

I'm exhausted from investing all my time in a place I don't want to be. A place that can't afford me the opportunities that I seek.

Hopefully I can make a trip with Jordan out to go get her car, head to Cali, and maybe look for jobs there while I'm away. MAYBE even find a place that'll give me a moving bonus? Eh?

Seriously. Why is it always something?

Aww Shite!

2007-12-21T03:32:00.000-06:00

Again, I'm Bored

2007-12-16T04:16:00.000-06:00

Your Kisses Are Spicy and Wild

Your kisses are powerful stuff. They'll start a fire in almost anyone you kiss.
You kiss with passion, skill, and endurance. Anyone who kisses you is in for a long, intense ride.
You better watch out though. Your incredible kisses are likely to get you in trouble!

How Hot Are Your Kisses?

You Belong in Los Angeles

Whether you'll admit it or not, a huge part of you likes being in the spotlight.
And you may just have enough star quality to make it big in LA!
Even if you don't become famous, you still belong in a place where you can get a year round tan.

Where Does Your Inner Californian Belong?

You Are Tequilla

When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk!
You'll take any shot that's offered up to you...
Even if it tastes like sock sweat!
And you're never afraid of eating the worm.

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

Your Androgynous Name Is:

Valentine Royce

What's Your Androgynous Name?

Your EQ is 113

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well.
Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well.

You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed.
You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

You Are Most Like Liv Tyler

“I don't want to spend so much time obsessing about myself.”

What Modern Bombshell Are You Most Like?

Christmas Tests

2007-12-16T03:39:00.000-06:00

You Should Have a Gold Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays represent a time of optimism and wealth.
You definitely have a generous spirit, and you give a lot during the holiday season.

You really go over the top for Christmas. Everyone on your list gets a great gift.
Even if you don't have a lot of money during the holidays, it's the one time you pretend like you do.

Your gold tree would look great with: All kinds of metallic decorations

You should spend Christmas Eve watching: Miracle on 34th St

What you should bake for Santa: A ton of cookies, cupcakes, and candy. You would enjoy spoiling him.

What Color Christmas Tree Should You Have?

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are about emotional connections and bonds. You are happiest being around those you love.

You celebrate the holidays in a minimalist style. You are likely to only give one great present and decorate your house with a few special items.

During the holidays, you feel magical. You love all of the decorations and how happy people are. You like to sit back and take it all in.

You think the holidays should be nostalgic and sweet. The holidays bring out your inner child.

Your best holiday memories are of childhood foods and traditions. You secretly still wish you believed in Santa Claus.

What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

You Are Dancer

Carefree and fun, you always find reasons to do a happy dance.

Why You're Naughty: That dark stint you had as Santa's private dancer.

Why You're Nice: You're friendly. Very friendly.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

You Are a Trifle

No doubt, you have many intricate layers. But deep down, you're a little squishy.

What Holiday Food Are You?

You Are an Angel

A truly giving soul, you understand the spirit of Christmas.

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Your Christmas Song Is

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say it glows.

For you, Christmas is a mix of tradition and fun.
You're not above strapping on a red blinking nose for a laugh

What Christmas Carol Are You?

Your Christmas is Most Like: How the Grinch Stole Christmas

You can't really get into the Christmas spirit...
But it usually gets to you by the end of the holiday.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

For the twelve days of Christmas, your true love will send you:

Twelve babies drumming
Eleven carolers a-caroling
Ten midgets a-leaping
Nine ladies yodeling
Eight alpacas a-milking
Seven rumballs a-drunkening
Six iPods a-playing
Five golden toe rings
Four calling secret admirers
Three French chefs bearing escargot
Two diamond pinky rings
And a fairy in a olive tree

What Will You Get for the 12 Days of Christmas?

You Are Pecan Pie Soda

Sweet, but totally nuts

What Jones Holiday Soda Are You?

Nope, You're Not a Grinch

Although you may feel Grinch-like at times, it's just because you're worn out from the holidays.
You get into the holiday spirit more than most people - and you truly enjoy celebrating with your family and friends.

Are You a Grinch?

You Are a Practical Gift Giver

Your gifts are useful, appropriate, and custom tailored to each person.
In your opinion, the best gifts are gifts that someone will actually use.
Your gifts may not be the most glamourous, but they are always appreciated.

What Kind of Gift Giver Are You?

Your Holiday Stress Level is Moderate

The holidays sometimes stress you out, but mostly because they wear you down.
Take it easy! You can have a fun holiday without running yourself ragged.

What's Your Holiday Stress Level?

You Are Easter

You are an optimistic, hopeful, and genuinely sweet person.
Sensitive and affectionate, you are easily touched.
You love nature, animals, and anything cute or cuddly.
For you, every day is a new chance - no matter what happened yesterday.

What makes you celebrate: Almost anything. You love most holidays and celebrations.

At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The peacemaker. You can prevent any squabbles that might break out.

On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: Remember to include everyone

What Holiday Are You?

Make Sure There's A Place for Cousin Jethro!

2007-12-14T14:59:00.000-06:00

!Warning! This will not be a nice entry.

My mom got a Christmas card from one of her step-nephews today. It had a custom return address sticker made with the parents and the four kids faces on it. Yes, I said four children. Two from the wife's previous marriage and the two youngest from this union of holy matrimony. Below the custom faces is listed, "The Sapp Zoo".

I started laughing because of the embarrassing label of being called a "zoo". That's an open admission that you have too many children occupying space on this earth.

The family that the father, my mom's step-nephew, comes from are hoosier as you can throw a wood-burning stove at. The father seems to always have some sort of overalls on. The mother is loud and a complete alpha male. I believe our current lexicon would call her a "boss bitch". The children, two boys and a girl, all have names ending with a long "E" vowel sound.

There's a blissful ignorance that I admire in them though. They really don't focus on tomorrow or the bigger picture, either they don't have the brain function to or regard for the current times in which we as a society live. Let's give them enough credit to go with the latter.

But the thing that gets my admiration, which is little, is the fact that they live day to day and focus on their simple lives. Granted I think they have more times to focus on the little things, which drives me nuts to think about, so, maybe I'm living the better life. Surely.

Their simplicity is both heartbreaking and freeing. Heartbreaking because they'll never escape what it's like to have three children before the age of thirty. They'll never see how they can cease to contribute to humanity's woes by overhauling their lives to consume less. They're stuck in an uneducated tangle of lives lived in the woods. Where having Christmas in the garage of their hand-built house is the height of sophistication. What's more freeing that limiting ones own view of the world by sticking to your immediate vicinity?

Well, here's to you Bobby, Dusty, Rusty, Sandy, Cody, Toby, Kenny, Mindy, Wendy, Abby, Harry, Larry, Cherry, and Buck! I toast to your rise and our downfall!!

Dreaming of It...

2007-12-07T00:34:00.000-06:00

So, I was driving stoned from J-dawgs' bro's and "Californication" by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers came on and I was thinking of no. 1 how amazing this band is, and no. 2, how right on the money that songs is.

There's sort of a refuge that people think of when they think of California. They think if they escape there they'll become the big star, or find more to their lives than they do now. A lot of times they get caught up in it though. All the bullshit. They get caught in trying to change into someone they think they want to be and step further and further away from the person they are.

I think there's a lot of knowledge out west and I want to go out there. To live away from this stone tower surrounded by walls of fields. It's suffocating. I want inspiration and experience. Sometimes I think I've exhausted everything there in Missouri. I know you have to make your own fun, but it's more than just fun, it's knowledge and experience I seek. And believe it or not, those things are limited where I am. Perhaps I won't even be happy elsewhere. Maybe this is as good as it gets?

I need a job to occupy my boredom.

More Randomness

2007-12-06T23:57:00.000-06:00

You Are Thanksgiving

You are a bit of a homebody who enjoys being in the company of people you love.
It doesn't take a lot to make you happy. You're enjoying life as it is.
You have many blessings in your life, and you are grateful for each one.
You believe that life is about what you *do* have. You feel like you have enough of the good stuff.

What makes you celebrate: Family, friends, and the changing of the seasons.

At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The host of the party

On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: Spend so much energy preparing that it's a full time job

What Holiday Are You?

You Are a Green Crayon

Your world is colored in harmonious, peaceful, natural colors.
While some may associate green with money, you are one of the least materialistic people around.
Comfort is important to you. You like to feel as relaxed as possible - and you try to make others feel at ease.
You're very happy with who you are, and it certainly shows!

Your color wheel opposite is red. Every time you feel grounded, a red person does their best to shake you.

What Color Crayon Are You?

You Should Rule Jupiter

Huge and hot, Jupiter is a quickly turning planet with short days and intense gravity.

You are perfect to rule Jupiter, because you are both dominant and kind.
You have great strength and confidence, but you never abuse your power.

You are always right. Even if you make mistakes, you compensate for them... before anyone knows it.
Headstrong and ambitious, you always have a goal in mind. You are optimistic and believe thing things will always work out.

What Planet Should You Rule?

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people.
Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others.
You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others.
You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

G.I. Joe PSAs

2007-11-27T02:08:00.000-06:00

For anyone that hasn't seen this hilarity.

My Addiction to Black Holes

2007-11-22T02:41:00.000-06:00

Based on a recent conversation with Andrew, last night to be exact, I've come up with the perfect analogy to describe my dysfunctionality.

Last Sunday, the 11th, double "A" texted me with a proposition to get together on Wednesday. Of course I engaged him and his behavior, rewarding him with a response. Of course hooking-up never came to fruition. Yeah, I was disappointed. Yeah, I was hesitant. Such an experience has never happened to me and for him to be my first would be of huge importance. Or would it? I kept telling myself it would be fine. I just want to get it over and done with anyway. But Amanda said to me that you really want your first time to be special before you go out and start screwing the world. Haha.

But still, I yearn for him. He's something that I want to conquer. I've come to the realization that I am attracted to major closet cases, not because they're closeted per se, but because they propose the hardest chase.

I know it's not fair to me that he can keep me on such a short leash. Responding to him is something that gives him power and I'm more that willing to give it to him. But I don't know why I can't just cut the cord? Why do I insist on playing a game of cat and mouse when a large part of me wants to settle down with someone I deserve?

Now he's moving, supposedly, and I want that chance. That taste. The blood.

I've really done a number on myself. I don't know why I'm so destructive. I regret too much sometimes I feel. I want to carpe diem, but I'm too timid by the possibility of being really hurt.

So, this is where the part of the black hole comes to the forefront. What do black holes do but suck up light? They destroy every thing that comes into their path by taking everything beautiful out of it. There's a certain dance that both stars and black holes do with gravity being their swan song. They dance and spin around until one caves.

Perhaps it wasn't meant to be, but man does that sure suck.

Early Winter, Gwen Stefani

2007-11-19T19:55:00.000-06:00

Cashback

2007-11-16T01:18:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching the movie Cashback with Amanda. I must say I was really impressed. I was thinking this was going to be a long movie and not interesting. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The movie begins after Ben, an artist at a university, breaks up with his girlfriend. Because he is so distraught by this, he becomes an insomniac. He eventually gets a job working the late shift at a local grocery store in order to pass the time away.

He eventually learns to slow down time and eventually stop it and literally live in a second. This is how he is able to draw and eventually paint such exquisite pieces. The stopping of time plays the most important role in the film and is used as an analogy for the audience.

The movie features a really strong narration as Ben explains how he creates his art. His muse? Women of course.

The movie features special effects and utilizes slow motion a lot.

My only complaint is the overuse of nudity, which borders on pornographic, to explain Ben's fascination with the female form. A fascination which he's had since he was a child and became mesmerized by the Swedish foreign exchange student living in his house.

The only reason why I think the nudity is in excess is because the narration is so strong, so beautiful, that having such strong imagery kind of distracts from the narration.

"You just have to see that love is wrapped in beauty and hidden away in between the seconds of your life. If you don't stop for a minute, you might miss it"

Beautiful film. ***A***

A Casual Encounter

2007-11-08T15:45:00.000-06:00

A casual glance,
A mistaken romance

A brush of skin,
and these emotions begin again

A casual encounter
make both victims for the fodder

Hearts race,
clothes shred

A long embrace

Lips plump with blood,
It comes like a flood

Your sweat is salty as it falls to my tongue

Why did this happen,
When has it begun

Let's State the Obvious, Shall We?

2007-11-08T04:07:00.001-06:00

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique.
No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing.
You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure. You're easily bored.
As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful.

You do best when you:

- Can work by yourself
- Can express your personality in your work

You would also be a good journalist or actor.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world.
And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it!

The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say

Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony

Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

Silver Lining

2007-11-08T04:01:00.000-06:00

FINALLY Rilo Kiley has a video for this amazing song. Jenny Lewis looks so beautiful. I actually saw it on VH1 the other night/morning. Cool.

Gratitude for Lack of Altitude

2007-11-08T03:21:00.001-06:00

I really have no clue what is bothering me so much.

I'm stressed on the job front because this time I'm holding out for something that I'll be with for a while. Like a long while. But there are no jobs that I want in Mid-Mo. Seriously. My mom hasn't been too harsh on me, but I know she's annoyed about the whole borrowing money thing.

I also enjoy not working. Haha. I mean I enjoy not having a grinding routine. I just want a really kick-ass job now. I want something totally deserving of my time and intelligence. The Humane Society just sucked the life out of me. Not because the work was excruciating or too difficult, but because it occupied so much of my time and emotion. Honestly I'm better off, but I miss my co-workers and I miss having a pay check. Getting fired totally side-swiped me.

I'm also very lonely. I just want a boyfriend. I need that part of my life to be fulfilled and the void always seems to be getting wider and wider. My patience also seems to be thinning and dissolving.

I'm going to go after this Missouri Theater job. I'll flood their inbox with damn e-mails until they respond dammit!

I think I'm going to go to STL this weekend to pursue an internship at the magazine Sheniqua is currently interning for right now. I'd love to work along side her, but I don't know if she'll be there? They're having an internship open house and I think that will be better for me than a fucking cover letter. I don't know why cover letters are hard for me, but they are. Maybe it's because I feel they're so limiting. I mean think about it: you have four paragraphs top to sell yourself and your experience when all you want to write is, "I have a fucking college education, can pick-up anything if instructed competently, and will bring an awesome dynamic to the workplace." Seems simple enough, right? But that is not the case. I hope I can see Sheniqua. I miss that girl. Plus, a spring internship would be great, granted I'd have to get a part-time job to support myself, but the experience would be amazing. Combine that with my writing experience already PLUS contacts in the publishing industry. Hopefully that could land me a job in Cali.

Bottom line: I think freelance, for all of its chaos, would be a perfect field for me. It's not 9 to 5. It's unconventional.

I never thought I'd be so against the establishment, but I can't do the daily grind.

I was talking with Amanda a couple of hours ago. She's been going through basically the same stuff, job and male frustrations, and we talked about how these hard times will only make us stronger and more interesting. We both don't want that same daily pony show and we're scrapping by. It's hard for sure. But we also are having more fun. This is true. Time is also going by more slowly, too. And we both agree that because we aren't doing the normal routine we are experiencing more and enjoying our time more because we have the time to do so. Too bad everyone can't have that.

I'm grateful.

Planet Earth

2007-11-06T21:19:00.000-06:00

These photos I found on the internet. They're amazing!

Eh!

2007-11-05T17:26:00.001-06:00

I need a job. I don't want one though. Unless it's an amazing one. Fucking workforce.

Quotin' Quotables

2007-11-01T03:27:00.001-05:00

"I Love women, I just don’t fall in love with them, but I’m attracted to them. I find their bodies beautiful, and I can relate to them as the pursues, because of course as a gay man you understand what it is to be taken – to be an object to your partner – as well as what it’s like to be the aggressor"~ Tom Ford.

...Amen my brotha'! I think that's one of the most perfect descriptions for people to understand what the hell it's like to be gay.

Swoon!

2007-10-26T15:40:00.001-05:00

Across The Universe

2007-10-17T01:36:00.000-05:00

Hello blog which I have neglected. How are you? I can't believe I've been so wrapped up in my life I haven't written anything. Not that I endorse not living your life, but still, I need my outlets. Well now I'll have time now that I don't have my stupid job, which "my heart isn't in" anymore. Eh. Onwards and upwards.

I've just seen Across the Universe for the second time. I really, really love this film. It's been getting mixed reviews. I think that's only because people are uncomfortable with an original musical set to all Beatles songs.

The movie tells the tale of two star-crossed lovers set in the turbulent 60s and how that decade changes them.

This movie has totally rejuvenated my love of the Beatles. It's great to see really creative artists exposing their music to a whole new generation.

And the majority of the creativity goes to director Julie Taymor. She comes from a background of theater direction. She directed "The Lion King" on Broadway, which if you know how it looks like at all tells you what you're in for. She's also directed the films Titus, which is visually stunning, and Frida.

The art direction is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!

The young cast of actors is also very impressive. Evan Rachel Woods keeps surprising me with her acting choices. She's excellent as Lucy. Some hightlights: "Hold Me Tight," "It Won't Be Long" and "Blackbird." But all of her singing is excellent.

My new celebrity crush, Jim Sturgess, is excellent as well. He's the dark-haired, dark-eyed dreamer and you fall for him immediately. Try not to. Look for his compelling expressions in "I've Just Seen A Face". Swoon as you watch his mouth hum. Also "All My Loving," "Something," "Strawberry Fields Forever," "Revolution," "Across the Universe," and "All You Need Is Love." But let's face it, he's excellent all around.

Watch for cameos by Bono (boo), Salma Hayek, Joe Cocker, and Eddie Izzard. The rest of the cast deserves mentioning as well: Dana Fuchs, Joe Anderson, Martin Luther McCoy & T.V. Carpio. Loved it. ***A***

Funny Shit

2007-10-03T23:37:00.002-05:00

Manifestations of Ourselves

2007-09-26T14:17:00.000-05:00

I was over last night at Amanda's and we talked briefly about the scope of human existence.

We talked about humans perceptions of reality. I told her about this mind-fuck of a movie called What The Bleep Do We Know and how it talks about how one person's perception of reality is different from another's. They also theorize that humans, through perceiving their own reality, can control their fate.

Amanda also observed in her Xanga journal the other night that it blows her mind that humans can't reach the bottom of the ocean and can't reach the end of space. She concluded that this relative fact must be a physical manifestation of the how humans can't ever know the depths of themselves. She observed that no other person can't ever know what's inside us, just what's on the surface. We don't know what people see and people can't see what we know.

She wasn't even high. Haha. But this is such a true observation and I'm glad we talked about that.